Saturday, July 31, 2010

Holy Hell, it's WORKING!!

This is totally me. Well, I don't have long brown hair. And I'm heavier than this woman. And I wear capris when I work out. I'm pretty sure I don't keep a goofy ass grin on my face while I'm pedaling away (at least I hope not), but other than that ~ it's totally me. Ok, so I use a recombent bike at the gym and I have a pink water bottle. I guess the similarities end there. Oh well, I tried.
So, about a week and a half ago I started doing the "interval" workout on the bike. I love it when work out machines have computers that make them smarter than I am. It works nicely in my world.
Anyway, so I've been doing 30 minute interval workouts with Levels 1/2. I told myself that getting to 5 miles during my 30 minute workouts is a good goal for me to start with. I've made 5 miles every time and I was happy.
Tonight I didn't get to the gym until 30 minutes before it closed. I wanted to make the most of my workout so I set the intervals at Levels 1/4. I knew Level 4 would be tough, but I knew I could manage it. I had made a new workout playlist on my ipod this afternoon and I knew it would keep me motivated.
Little known fact ~ 30 minutes before closing time at the gym you get all of the TV's to yourself!! I got to watch whatever I wanted. About 10 minutes into my workout I found one of my favorite all time movies on Comedy Central. Hell YEA!!!
So I cranked up the ipod, flipped on my favorite movie and off I went. I was shocked when my workout was over. It seemed to fly by. I was scanning through the stats on the computer and damn near fell off the bike when I got to mileage. I went 6.12 miles tonight!!! Not only did I up the resistance level, but I beat my goal by over a mile!!!
Holy Hellz people, this workout shit really works!!!!

Dusting Off my Dreams

For about three or four years now I've wanted to become a triathlete. Except I was scared to death of the swim. I've never formally been taught to swim. Sure, I spent hours in the pool as a kid. I played "Sharks & Minnows" and "Marco Polo" for hours with my brother and our friends. I can get tossed into the deep end of a pool and keep myself alive, swim around a little bit and even make it to the side of the pool in one piece. But I didn't know how to swim.
I put the triathlon dream aside last year and decided to concentrate on running. I thought once I got that done I could maybe, in a few years, eventually consider the swim and then revisit my dream. We'll see.
So, I did a bunch of research, bought several books, bought some new shoes, bought an Ipod and off I went running. Really it was more like panting and clawing my way through the miles and crying until I could come back home. It was ugly. And it hurt. No really, it hurt. Like doing major damage to my foot kind of hurt. I ended up hobbling around the house like a little old lady for months. Landed my ass in physical therapy. Fun times. That's when I took up swimming.
I know, right? Who knew. I fell in love. Let me say that again. I love to swim. I'm still not that great at it and I'm sure my son's swim coach cringes at my stroke. But I can get from point A to point B with relative ease and I almost look like I know what I'm doing.
So I've dug that triathlon dream out and dusted it off again. But wait ~ what about my foot? Physical therapy had been going so well that they discharged me ~ with a firm promise that I would continue my excersises and stretches on my own. That's when I joined the gym. My foot's been feeling great and about a week ago I got all cocky and decided to skip the bike and climb up on the treadmill. I walked for a few miles and then decided to try running again for a little bit (read: 60 seconds or so done three or four times). The next morning I. couldn't. walk. But the funny thing ~ it wasn't my hurt foot. IT WAS THE OTHER ONE!!!! What. The. F*ck?!?!
So, I did a little research. Did a little soul searching and decided it was my fancy shoes. Those expensive, high tech running shoes with stability control, arch support and every other bell & whistle one could think of; they were killing my feet. I called my PT and he confirmed what I already knew. Go with neutral shoes.
So, I headed out to the nearest Big 5 sports shop and found a nice FLAT insoled, pair of Saucony's on sale for $50. I've been wearing them for a week now and my feet could SING!!! I can still feel a little tenderness, but its getting better and better each day.
So, remember that dream? Oh yea. It's gonna be my reality. Next year. Mark my words. 2011 is the year Jess becomes a Triathlete.
Most training programs have a base starting point of being able to run for 30 minutes; being able to swim for 30 minutes and being able to bike for 40 minutes. Um, I can't do any of that.
So, the rest of this year will be dedicated to getting me to that base starting point.
I intend to give my foot about a week or two longer to rest and heal and then I'll start a running program again. Training for a 5K is step 1. Who's with me?!

Friday, July 30, 2010

Kickin' Ass

I was all set to come here tonight and blog about some disturbing things I saw on the TV today while I was working out at the gym. I had started writing up my little blurbs in my head, I was going to link to videos ~ it was gonna be awesome. But we'll get to that another time.

Instead I wanted to share something that made me smile. After my workout was over, I gathered the kids from the childcare room and loaded everyone into the van. I called my husband (who, btw, is also my very best friend). He asked how my workout went and I told him, "I did about 15 easy minutes on the bike, then lifted weights for about half and hour and then a hard 30 minutes on the bike."

You know how when you are talking to someone on the phone, you can just hear the smile in their voice? DH said "Holy shit, you're going to be able to kick my ass pretty soon!"

I could tell he was grinning from ear to ear and PRIDE was oozing from him. He was, of course, being silly ~ we don't actually beat each other up ~ but the grin and the pride I heard from him just sent me over the moon.

I'll tell you more of my husband's story later, but just knowing that he's in my corner and that he is so very proud of me and recognizes how hard I'm working makes this whole thing even sweeter.

I love him and I know he loves me and it's little moments like this that I cherish. Ok ~ back to regularly scheduled blogging.
Cheers, peeps!

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Back to Reality.....

My husband is a commercial airline pilot. Cool, right? It's not as glamorous as it sounds. Trust me. I refer to myself as a "sometimes single" mom. Because when he's at work, he is gone. There is no 5pm relief coming for me. I'm it. I play mom, dad, doctor, diciplinarian, cookie dispenser & time out enforcer. It's all me. But when he's home he is 100% ours. There are no conference calls. No meetings for which to prepare. No late nights dining with clients.
I have my moments, but overall I like our schedule. It works for us. He can often squeeze a fairly long block of days at home and we're just coming off one of those blocks. My husband was home for two weeks straight and now I'm back in the land of singleton.
Getting my workouts in while he was home was a breeze. "Honey, I'm going to head to the gym for about an hour, k? You can run when I get home and then we'll have dinner on the back deck. Deal? Perfect."
Now, I'm it. I'm juggling dentist appointments, swim team for boy 1 and swim lessons for boy 2; aikido training & library days. On top of my daily lists of "to do's". It makes it harder to squeeze that workout in. I missed yesterday and today.
It's a tough balance to strike, but I'm determined to make my workouts a priority. I'm going to make myself a priority. For the first time in my life.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Weekly Weigh In

We've been running all day so I'm just now getting around to posting my weigh in results. Well, let's just say they aren't the greatest. Today's weight: 222.4. Up .2 lbs from last week for a total loss of 2.8 lbs. It's not exactly where I wanted to be this week. I know I'm retaining water for a multitude of reasons. I ate some salty foods this weekend at a bbq and I'll be starting my period this week. I still expected a loss, though. I'm frustrated, but I'm not discouraged. I recognize that the body goes through natural weight fluctuations and that mine is still adjusting to my new eating style and workout routine. I'm adopting new healthy habits and that alone is a victory for me.
I intellectually know all of these things, but it doesn't make it easier to deal with. I've been watching Jillian Michael's new show and these people are losing like 5+ lbs per week. I like instant gratification. Patience is not exactly my 'thing'. Gggrrr.....
Next week that scale WILL GO in the right direction. Mark my words.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Why I Eat the Way I Do

I follow a mostly Primal/Paleo Diet; I do include dairy. I'm not hard core, like a lot of people ~ I try to strike a good balance. A lot of my friends just roll their eyes at me when I won't drink their pasturized/homogonized milk from the grocery store. Or when I have to take a few minutes out of our Saturday morning plans to run by the Farmer's Market to get my raw, local honey and my eggs from pastured chickens. They think I'm crazy because I'm willing to spend so much money on beef that comes from grassfed/grass finished cows and I won't even consider eating the beef they buy at the local chain grocery store. Here's a series of YouTube videos that explains why I do the things I do and why I eat the way I do.

I do believe he makes some good points about excersise. Yes, I go to the gym nearly everyday. Its a new habit and one that I'm not convinced is a bad one. I will say, however, that I only work out at full exertion once or twice a week. The rest of the time is moderate activity. So, this does go along a little bit with what this video talks about.

Weekly Weigh In

At one point this week my weight was up to 227 point something or other. I was panicked, but I knew that my body was simply adjusting to my new workout schedule. I literally went from little to no excercise to spending 90 minutes or more at the gym everyday. My body loved it, but there was definitely some adjustment!

I haven't gone over my calories all week and I feel very good about that. I've eaten wholesome, real foods ~ nothing out of a box or can or bag. I've been taking pictures of my food and will post some recipes soon.

My blogging time will be hit or miss over the next week. You see, I not only woke up one morning and weighed 225 lbs, but I also woke up and realized that I'd not only been hanging onto the clutter on my body, but I had clutter in my mind, in my house, in my life. I'm purging not just excess weight, but this week I'm purging excess stuff. That's right. It's Spring Cleaning time at my house. Watch out kids!! LOL!

Anyway, on to my weigh in this moring. Today's weight: 222.2. Down 1.2 lbs from last week and down a total of 3 lbs. I'll take it. I'm hoping that now that my body has had some time to get used to the new workout routing I'll start seeing more consistent losses. Cheers!

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Better This Time....

So, I survived the 90 minute step class. It really wasn't all that bad. There were a few other "first timers" in the class so she took easy on us a little bit. After the class I did about 20 minutes on the bike to get a little extra cardio. According to Livestrong I burned 2084 calories. Holy Shit!! I was not about to repeat this day, so I came at it with a plan. Before I worked out I had a Protein Shake & a banana. On the way home from the gym I had another Protein Shake and when I got home I drank a smoothie. I had made BBQ Pulled Pork sandwiches for dinner earlier this week so I had some leftovers and then took my shower. I had enough carbs & enough quality protein in my belly that I was feeling so much better. Throughout the day I had another Protein Shake and for dinner I fixed grilled chicken with roasted asparagus and fingerling potatoes. After dinner we went to DQ for a treat and then walked along the beach with the boys while they dug for crabs and skipped rocks. It was a lovely way to end the day and not once did start to feel the discomfort of being overly hungry. I ended the day with still over 1200 available calories remaining. It was a great day.
We have a day in the city planned today and we'll meet up with my inlaws for dinner. We're going out for Mexican and I plan to have a handful of tortilla chips & Chicken Tortilla Soup. I'm packing a salad to eat on the Ferry for lunch. I'm not working out today; my body needs a rest. I have a food plan and sticking with it will keep me comfortably within my calorie count ~ even without the extras that I usually earn at the gym.
Have a good one, folks!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Oh Yea....

I forgot to add ~ I've signed up to do a 90 minute step circut class tomorrow (Friday) morning. 90 minutes of step aerobics with intervals of weight training. I'm scared.

Channeling My Inner Jillian.....

Over the weekend I started watching
"Losing It With Jillian" on Hulu. I've cried on every. single. episode. Every one. What can I say? I'm a sap. But it's made me realize something. I've been craving inspiration. I'm working out and changing my life because I know it's what I need to do. It's what I want to do. But I'm not inspired. Or at least I wasn't. I've been looking for inspiration outside of me. I thought I needed something tangible. After watching Jillian get in the face of some many families, I realized that inspiration comes from within. You just sometimes need a psycho crazy trainer to help you find it. I'm not ready to invite Jillian to the gym with me, but I have been thinking about the show while I've been working out this week. I've stepped up my workouts a bit. Each time I feel like quitting, or each time I feel like turning the treadmill down a notch, I channel my inner Jillian. I'm a little nicer, but my message is still the same "you cannot quit."

So, I've channeled Jillian and what's been happening? I'm. putting. on. weight. What. The. F*uck? I know, I know....I'm doing a lot of strenght training. I'm making muscle. I really am. For the first time in my entire life I can feel my ab muscles. I didn't even know I had ab muscles. I'm not posting my measurments again until the first of the month, but I measured tonight out of curiosity and I'm losing inches. I'm just not losing on the scale. I'm frustrated, but I'm not discouraged. I have a plan. I'm going to up my water intake. By the gallon(s). I mean, my water bottle will not leave my side. It will be my new best friend. And I'm going to up the cardio. Strength training is awesome and it will ultimately benefit my metabolism, but for now I need a little boost in that area.

I'm gonna make Jillian proud!

*on a side note, the other day in the Ultimate Strength class, a 70 something grandma totally wiped the floor with my ass in crunches. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die, but I didn't. I kept at 'em. And now I can feel my abs. Go me! Go GRANNY!!*

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

A good day gone bad

So, I officially joined the gym yesterday. I took the Ultimate Strength class (a free weights class) yesterday and today I did a step class. It was my first step class in over two years. I think I died at the gym. Every muscle in my body hurts. Even muscles I didn't know I had!!

Usually before my workouts I have one of my homemade, whole foods protein shake (more on this later). They fill me up, they don't just sit in my stomach leaving me feeling nauseous during a workout and they typically sustain me through even the most gruelling workout. I usually have a banana in the van on the way home with either another protein shake or a green smoothie.

Today I was out of bananas. And being out of bananas, I couldn't make a smoothie. I drank my protein shake and headed to the gym.

I did a step class today (with a 20 minute warm up on the bike). According to Livestrong, I burned 1432 calories while at the gym today. One protein shake was not enough!

Oh, but wait. I usually have a banana and smoothie in the van, right? Not today. I was out of bananas (and therefore couldn't make a smoothie, either!) Aaaahhhh!!

But it's ok because I went straight home. I drank a bucket load of water and hopped in the shower. I made myself an egg sandwich with eggs from pastured chickens, using ghee as my oil & pastured butter on my bread.

I grabbed my sandwich and the boys and I headed out the door. I knew with the additional fat and protein that I'd be fine until we got home. I was wrong! Evidently when you burn nearly 1500 calories before noon your body begins to think it needs to eat to make up for those calories. Duh, right? We showed up at the park to meet our friends and by the mercy of God, one of my friends had brought lunch to share. Can I tell you how much willpower it took for me to not bulldoze all of my friends and claim that entire pizza all to myself? But it was pizza. Doughy, greezy pizza. Not my first choice but I was desperate. I had half a slice and thought "with enough water that should last me through our errands and until we get home." Phew. I had a plan. I took a swig of water as we were getting into the van and ....... nothing. Wha?! Where did my water go? From the back seat I hear "Oh, Mom, I finished your water because I was so thirsty from playing on the beach." FUCK! That's ok, sweetie! I want to make sure you stay hydrated! Ok, we'll just go with plan B. Plan B. Plan B. What's plan B? I didn't have one. We headed to the grocery store and somehow, I'm not sure how, I manged to not buy every single piece of food that I came across. I did buy a lot of fresh fruit and some granola bars for the kids though. Ok, Plan B: I'll have a snack in the car while we make the trek to get our milk.

I get the kids buckled in, I throw them each a granola bar and we head out of the parking lot. I. forgot. to. grab. a. snack. WTF is wrong with me?!? By this point I rationalize that I'm more thirsty than hungry so its ok. If only I had some water.

We get to the milk store and I start to feel a pounding headache come one. By this point I just want to get home. So we grab some milk and head home. That's I lost control. I've been home for an hour and a half and I've already eaten FOUR COUNTRY POTATO ROLLS dipped in ranch dressing.

I'm not worried about going over my calories. Good grief, I'd have to eat straight through until I went to bed to do that. But I am bothered that I let myself get so hungry that all logic went out the window. I was no longer as concerned with nourishing my body as I was with simply filling my stomach.

I now know that if I'm going in for a death march workout, I need to plan my food ahead a little more carefully.

It's all just part of my story. Have a good one, folks!

Monday, July 12, 2010

Weekly Weigh In

Well, it's not as bad as I had feared, but it is a gain.

And the results are: 223.4. That leaves me with a total loss of 1.8lbs Not exactly what I had planned to see today, but I was prepared for it. I'm finishing up yesterday's green smoothie and then I'm heading out to the gym. So glad I got that straightened out! LOL.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

I feel sick....

I ate horribly today. Now my stomach is killing me. I went over on my calories for the simple fact that my kitchen was a mess and I didn't feel like cleaning it up enough to make myself a proper meal. How lazy is that?!? I chose to do laundry all day and play with my sewing machine.

I get this mind set that since I haven't been working out ~ and I know that I'm going to work out tomorrow ~ that I "may as well have xxxx" tonight. It's not like I've done anything this week to work it off. I get so angry at myself when I let life get so hectic that I can't properly take care of myself and nourish my body. Seriously? It would have taken me all of 15 minutes to clean up the kitchen. I let myself get too hungry and by that time I just had to grab something. Lesson learned.

I really really really don't want to step on that scale tomorrow......

It Ain't Gonna Be Pretty....

Tomorrow's weigh in may not be pretty; I'm prepared for that. I've made some poor choices this weekend ~ all related to emotional eating. This is a habit I'm working on breaking. One of my closest friends moved this weekend and within an hour of saying goodbye I found myself in the grocery store. I was there because I needed to pick up one item but I found myself mindlessly grabbing food and putting it in my cart. I put most of it back, but I did bring home a bowl of homemade (store made) cheddar broccoli soup & a serving of teriyaki chicken (also store made). It wasn't processed crap, so that's good. But it wasn't exactly what I wanted, either. I've still stayed within my calorie goals everyday except one. We had dinner at my friend's house as one last night the families could get together and let's just say I drank more calories than I should have. Ahem.....

If that were the only issues this week, I wouldn't be so sure that tomorrow could get ugly. I haven't been to the gym once. Why? Because I completely fucked up the checkbook. Because we had a banking malfunction last week. It, of course, happened over the holiday weekend, so I could not high tail my behind into the bank and get it straightened out. My trial membership had expired and I didn't have the funds to buy the membership until I could move my money from one account to the other. We'll put this one in the "WHOOPS" category.

I'll be at the gym first thing in the morning, but it'll be after I weigh myself. It's the ups and downs that make this journey exciting and I will not be defeated by life's cirucumstances.

Counting Calories....

Elizabeth over at The Nourished Life wrote a wonderful and very insightful post the other day about why one should not count calories. Here's the thing: I totally agree with everything she says. I know, I know. I count calories. Right Now. It is not something I intend to do forever, though. She's right. There is no way to predict how many calories your body will need in any given day in any given circumstance. Each body is different and metabolizes our fuel in its own unique way. If you only eat when you are hungry and you eat real, whole foods you should never have to worry about calories ~ or your weight. That's not me.

Another argument against counting calories (which Elizabeth notes in the comments) is that when counting calories, peole have a tendancy to gravitate towards lower calorie foods ~ regardless of the nutrients in that food (if any). In the past when I've been on diets I've always gone for the skim milk, low fat cheese, baked potato chips, 100 calorie packs, low fat, "light" yogurt, etc, etc, etc... I was always hungry. It's no wonder. It wasn't that I wasn't eating enough calories, I wasn't getting enough nutrients. When our bodies lack certain nutrients that they need to function properly we interpret that as hunger or insatiable cravings.

Whole (raw) milk has more calories than Skim Milk, Quality artisan cheese has more calories than Low Fat (funky, fake) cheese "product", real yogurt made from quality whole raw milk has a lot more calories (and a lot less chemicals) than the sugar free, lowfat flavored yogurt ~ but you know what? I eat the more calorie dense foods and I feel good. I'm not hungry. I'm satisfied with less.

I'm not dieting. I'm redefining my relationship with food. I'm changing my habits. I'm creating a new life.

So why do I count calories? Because even though I'm committed to eating whole foods I still don't always know when to stop. Once my brain and my body can trust each other again I'll stop counting calories. When I eat soley for nourishment and I break the cycle of emotional eating, I'll stop.

For now, counting calories keeps me accountable.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

36x36 Challenge

So, there is this awesome new blog: 36x37. It just so happens to be authored by a sorrority sister of mine. I adore Maura. She is hilarious and has such an amazing way with words. Not only do I love her, but I just think her blog name is so fabulous. So I stole it :) Well, the idea of it anyway.

I am challenging myself to lose 36 lbs by my 36th birthday, November 5. I'm backing this challenge up to June 28. That's a total of 19 weeks which equals about 1.9 lbs per week. I have 17 weeks left until my birthday. I know I can do this.

Anyone care to join me?

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Feeling Desperate

I drink raw whole milk. I spent years and years drinking homogonized, skim milk and it made me sick. I became lactose intolerant and I've suffered from allergies & asthma for most of my life. Since switching to raw milk and whole foods I haven't sneezed, itched or wheezed even once. And I'm more active now than I've been in years. I don't have an issue drinking it at all. In fact, it completely keeps my digestion regular (along with my green smoothies)

Raw milk isn't always easy to come by. I'm fortunate to live in a state where the retail sale of raw milk is legal. That doesn't mean its easy to find, though. There is a health food store about 25 minutes from my house that carries it. Phew! I make the trek once a week and stock up. It's not cheap, but it's a priority for my family and me. I drove out on Friday to pick up some more milk and they were out. *GASP*!! So, I haven't had fresh, raw milk since Thursday and can I just tell you about the mood swings, the out of control emotions and the unsatiable cravings?! Oh. My. Gawd. And no, I'm not PMS'ing. This is worse. The store takes delivery on Tuesday afternoons. Guess who will be waiting on the doorstep of that store this afternoon?

Monday, July 5, 2010

Weekly Weigh-In

I'm beginning to wonder how wise it is to have my weigh-ins on Mondays. But, it is what it is. Yesterday's BBQ was a smashing success. I ate a little more than I had originally planned, but there was a pick up volleyball game that lasted about two hours and I played the whole time. According to Livestrong, I burned 466 calories during the game. One thing I've noticed this week is that adding just a little bit of movement to your day really helps with the calorie count. It doesn't take much to make a difference.

I didn't start tracking my calories until half way through this week, but I'll list all of my workouts and calorie burns anyway:
  • 6/28 ~ Ultimate Strengh Class at the gym. A one hour free weights class. Its AWESOME! (not tracked)
  • 6/29 ~ Aquafit Class at the gym. One hour of cardio & strength in the pool. (not tracked)
  • 6/30 ~ rest day (not tracked)
  • 7/1 ~ Spring Conditioning Class at the gym. This one kicked my ass!!! Plus 15 minutes on stationary bike and 30 mins of vigorous housecleaning (total calorie burn: 957)
  • 7/2 ~ 10 minute leisurely walk with children (total calorie burn: 43)
  • 7/3 ~ 45 minute leisurely walk with children (total calorie burn: 255)
  • 7/4 ~ 5 minute leisurely walk with children & casual pick up volleyball game 1 1/2 hours (total calorie burn: 487)

I am proud to report that since I've started tracking my workouts and calories, I have not gone over my allotted calories even once. I celebrate even the smallest successes! LOL

Ok, so my weigh in results, right? Enough already!! This week I am down 2.2 lbs. WooHoo! I have to keep reminding myself that this will be slow going. I'm an instant gratification type of person and patience isn't my strong suit. But I'll get there. One pound at a time!

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Why it's different this year.....

In past years when I've been on a "diet" I would stress out about any upcoming parties for weeks. I would hoard points, try to hide calories, sabotage myself intentionally or franky, usually just give up and call that day a write off.

It's one reason why I've sworn off diets forever. That simply isn't a healthy way to think about food and social gatherings. I wanted to enjoy myself and I thought enjoying myself meant gorging. It doesn't.

Today I'm co-hosting a going away party for one of my dearest friends. We live in WA state and due to a job change she and her family are moving clear across the country to Pennsylvania. (the nerve of some people, right?!) There is going to be all kinds of food ~ most of it not clean, whole foods and you know what? I'm not stressed about it. I've looked up mostly everything I can think of on Livestrong and I have an index card with all of the calories written down on it. I don't want to feel like shit tomorrow, so I know I'll stay closer to the fruits and veggies than I will the chips & dip, but even if I do wander down to that side of the table it is not the end of my story.

In the past I used to try to manipulate my calories, points, fat grams, that I could still "enjoy" all of the bad foods but not wreck my diet. This time there are no bad foods. This time it's about choosing to feel good. It's about spending time with friends and enjoying a day outside in the beautiful Pacific Northwest (as long as it doesn't rain *sigh*)

This time it's going to work!

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Fridge Pics

Admitedly, I'm co-hosting a BBQ tomorrow for the good ole USA's birthday and most of this stuff will be going with me. However, I love the look of my fridge when it's bursting with fresh produce! Once the BBQ is over and my fridge is back to normal, I'll post another pic of what it typically looks like (it's not much different!). Happy 4th to you all!

Friday, July 2, 2010


~*~please excuse the mess~*~

Taken post workout on 7/1/2010

Taken 6/30/2010

My Story

I grew up a very active child. I played kick-the-can and wiffle ball on our cul de sac. We played man hunt after dark and swam the summers away in the pool. I was rarely inside and only watched TV in the evenings before bed. As I got older I became an athetle and played competitive volleyball for 10 months out of the year from middle school right on up through college.

I've always seen myself as fat. My entire life. I went on my first diet when I was 14 and my mom sent me to Weight Watchers because I'd put on a few pounds while lifting weights with the volleyball team. I was 5' 3", post puberty, and gained 10 pounds of pure muscle. I went from 115 lbs to 125 lbs. I'm certain she never would have done this if she'd known about the downward spiral into which I was about to fall.

Shortly after that first Weight Watchers meeting I began hiding the food I ate. I would sneak spoonfuls of peanut butter after I thought my parents were asleep. I'd eat ice cream straight from the tub because if I didn't put it into a bowl, the calories didn't count, right? This was the first time in my life that I'd ever labeled food as "good" or "bad". It was the first time I'd ever felt ashamed of what I was eating. It was the first time I felt judged.

That round with Weight Watchers didn't last very long, but the message was ingrained in my head. You need to be skinny to be worth something. You need to be skinny to be successful. I need to stop here and say: My mom did everything she's ever done for me out of love. She did not judge me. She did not tell me I was worthless. These were the lessons I took away from these experiences.

I tried various other diets with little to no success over the next few years. I took diet pills in highschool trying to lose weight for Spring Break. I lived off of Slim Fast and pizza thinking I was being "healthy". I became the master of crash diets. They'd always be followed by a binge and then I'd start all over.

As an adult I've tried Weight Watchers again (several times), Atkins, Protein Power, Cabbage Soup, Grapefruit Juice, etc, etc, etc. All the while adding more and more pounds to my body with every binge.

About two years ago someone suggested a book called Intuitive Eating. I checked it out of the library and then purchased my own copy. To this date I've only read the first few chapters, but it was enough to change my life. It's completely changed the way I look at food and has given me the permission to eat what I want without fear of being judged. It's allowed me to give up the "good" & "bad" labels that I'd assigned to food and I was finally able to free myself from the hell of yo yo dieting. The book told me to eat what I want and how much I wanted and as often as I wanted. It gave me permission to have the mother of all binges.

I gained 25 lbs.

I gained 25 lbs and I gained a whole truckload of insight into my relationship with food. I learned that I've felt like shit for most of my life. Once I gave myself permission to eat absolutely anything I wanted at any time, I started craving real foods. I wanted to eat to feel good. I wanted to eat to nourish my body. For quite some time eating lost a lot of its appeal to me. I used to eat ice cream and cookies, and chips and pizza and, and, and to feed the rebellious side of me. Against whom was I rebelling? The system. The nutrition experts. Society. Everyone, everyone, labels these foods as bad. Everyone knows we aren't supposed to have them. As humans we all want what we aren't supposed to have. We desire what we are told is forbidden.

Once I was through rebelling, once I told myself I could have all of that if I wanted it, I didn't want it anymore. That stuff made me feel like crap and I didn't want to feel that way. I wanted to listen to my body and nourish it properly. I wanted to feel good.

After these revelations, I decided to try losing weight one more time, but this time listening to what my body wanted. I ate what I wanted, but I always went for the low fat, sugar free, low carb, low this, low that versions. And I still felt like shit. I was so confused. I was listening in tune with my body and I knew my body didn't like and didn't want what I was eating. But the "experts" couldn't be wrong, could they? Could they? I'd followed their advice for years and I woke up one morning and weighed 225 lbs. I started to wonder...

I did some research and through the suggestion of a friend I looked into green smoothies. OH WOW! What started out as a fun way to get some extra fruit and vegetables into my family has led me down a path of discovering an entire new world of whole foods nutrition. I had no idea. I've never felt better.

I know drink whole milk. I eat real eggs. I eat beef. I use oils in my cooking. And I've never felt better. The milk is raw, the eggs are local from pastured chickens, the beef is grass fed and the oils are tropical. My research led me to this book. Ironically, that book was sitting on my shelf; a gift from my husband's aunt and uncle several Christmases ago. I got it down, dusted it off and I haven't looked back.

I know, deep in my soul, into the core of my being that my body craves whole foods. My body needs whole foods.

I'm not dieting. I'm changing my life. This is where my story changes.

~*~This post is part of the Food Renegade's Fight Back Friday~*~

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Starting Weight

I walked into a gym on Monday, June 28, 2010 for the first time in about 14 years. It's where my journey begins.

  • Starting Weight: 225.2
  • Height: 5'5"
  • Starting BMI: 37.5 (Obese)
  • Bust measurement: 48'
  • Waist measurement: 48"
  • Hips measurement: 51.5"
  • Biceps measurement: 12.5"
  • Thighs measurement: 23.5"
  • Body Fat Percentage: 53%

Wwaaaayyy over my head!

I went to the gym today and tried out a new class. "Spring Conditioning". Not only had I never done this class before, but being a newbie at the gym, I'd never had this instructor before. Only after the class did my friend tell me that I will always hurt after an Anne Marie class. She wasn't lyin'.

My entire life I've equated skinny with healthy. I didn't realize they were two totally different things. I'm on a quest to be both. I've let my weight get out of control and I'm not sure any more if I've ever had optimal health to begin with.

All during this class I kept thinking to myself that I was in over my head. I'd bitten off more than I could chew. I found the irony that those words did not apply only to this particular workout, but to my entire health situation. I'm not discouraged. In fact I'm energized. I've never been one to walk away from a challenge. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. How will I lose 100 lbs? One ounce at a time.

This blog will be the diary of my journey. Let's do this.