A Letter.....

Dear Body,
I recognize that I have abused you for the last several decades. I know that I have asked so much of you while offering minimal quality fuel. I have stuffed you with junk food and let you sit sedentary for years. I understand all of this. Through it all you still managed to take good care of me. You kept my blood pressure down, you did not allow the development of diabetes and you have worked hard to keep me relatively healthy.

I appreciate all of this. To show my gratitude, I've made big changes. I'm now providing you with the adequate fuel and nutrition that you need to keep me going properly. You do not have to work so hard, now. I'm giving you food that does a lot of the work for you. Thank you, body. I promise to take care of you and to help you from this point on.

I understand now why, when I eat (ahem) Chinese food and Mt. Dew for dinner, you would keep me up all night with cramps and send me to the bathroom first thing in the morning. I totally get why eating a bowl of Lucky Charms before a run would give you cause to make me want to throw up for the rest of the day. I get it. I really do.

But, this plantar faciitis pain you're handing back to me, now? No. I don't understand. Running, while a little painful right now, will only serve to help you in the long run. It will continue to make your job even easier. You're going to have to trust me on this one. I mean it. I won't stop running. So, while we're trying to rebuild our friendship, I'm going to have to respectfully ask you to KNOCK THIS SHIT OFF!!!

Oh good. I'm glad we're on the same page on this.
~Me

I am runner, hear me ROAR!!

Oh yea baby. I rocked it! Week Five? It's done. I killed it. SUCK ON THAT Week Five!! WooHoo!!!

I ran 20 minutes straight tonight! Didn't stop to walk, didn't cry, didn't do anything but just kept running. I've never done that in my life. Even when I was in college playing volleyball, I'm not sure I ever made it 20 minutes without stopping to walk. Maybe I did, but I'm sticking with probably not.

Last week I did Week 5, Day 2 and instead of going straight on to Day 3 (the 20 minute run), I chucked the C25K program for a bit and went the full 5K distance in anticipation of my race this weekend (you know, the one I didn't actually run?).

It took me 46 minutes and some change to do the full 5K. Afterwards I cried. I thought it was because I was frustrated because I had so badly wanted to do a sub 45 min 5K, but in all honesty I wasn't that disappointed. I think, honestly, I cried because I had pushed myself so hard that crying was the only left that my body could do.

It felt good. But you know what ~ tonight felt even BETTER! BooYa, baby! I'm a runner! Hear me ROAR!!!

Weekly Weigh In & Race Report

I've been trying to find a way to put off writing this post. All morning I've been avoiding blogger and reading blogs. I can't put it off any longer. This isn't a fun post to write....

Today's weigh in results are 217.0 lbs. That makes for a 1 lb gain over last week. That is a total loss of 8.2 lbs.

I got complacent. I haven't counted a single calorie since the camping trip and I ate like crap all weekend. I didn't full out binge, but I ate too much of the bad stuff and not enough of the good stuff.

I'm disappointed. Not in the weigh in result, but in myself. Those pictures in my head can be hard to change. After awhile it gets hard to fight those pictures and replace them with new ones. But I'm not discouraged. I'm going to keep on keeping on. I've got my head on straight and I'm back to counting calories. Starting NOW.

The 5K race yesterday didn't happen. Well, the race happened, but not with me in it. The logistics simply got too out of control. The race was two hours away from my house and my husband was out of town this weekend. We were to spend the night at my inlaws house the night before, but my inlaws were out of town so we'd be there alone. I would have had to wake the boys up at 6:00 am and the weather was being a little unpredictable. I wasn't sure if my friend's husband was going to be there to watch my boys (he was going to stay home if it rained) and I didn't want to have to go through all of that and end up not being able to run if no one was there to watch the boys.

Of course, the weather ended up being absolutely perfect and everyone was there as planned ~ except me. Oh well. There is another 5K race in our town in two weeks. My mom will be in town for Little Dude's birthday so she is going to play with the kids at the park while my husband and I participate in our first 5K together.

I officially graduate from the C25K program in mid October and I'll be back in my hometown for the weekend, so I'm also running a 5K there with some highschool friends.

It's all good. A missed race does not define me (and neither does a 1 lb gain) and it does not mean my journey is over. Peace out, peeps!

Calories In/Calories Out

Weightloss is simple, right? Calories In/Calories Out. Pure science. It doens't get much simplier. Where it starts to get complicated is when we bring health into the equation. Weightloss and Health are NOT the same thing.

I remember serveral years ago I was watching Dr. Phil (don't judge me, I was a new mom and bored). It was right when he started that Weightloss Challenge that he did a while back. I remember he was discussing the proper foods to have in the house and how to stock your pantry & fridge. He was using his kitchen as an example and said that he and Robin stocked healthy, low fat, yada, yada, yada....all throughout the kitchen. He then went on to say that one cabinet is stocked with chips, crackers and some other snacks for his son (whichever one was still living with him). He mentioned that teenaged boys have a higher caloric need than the average adult.

I agree, I've seen teenaged boys eat. I'm still not sure how I'm going to feed my boys when they get to that age. One of them is already starting....

A few months ago I stopped at the local bakery with my older son to treat ourselves to a doughnut. I remember thinking to myself that "it's a good thing I'm heading to the pool today since I'm having this doughnut right now." I also remember it was one of the worst swims I've ever had.

Calories In/Calories Out. I'm pretty sure I burned off the calories from that doughnut. Plus some. But, can fried white flour really be enough to fuel a workout? I doubt it.

Calories = Fuel. If we use junk fuel, our bodies will not run at optimal performance.

I got to thinking about the Dr. Phil show again. It doesn't matter whether or not his son can metabolize the calories in those additional foods. Even the lankiest, most zit faced, highest metabolism teenager can't turn junk food into proper nutrition.

Our bodies need the vitamins and minerals found in whole, clean foods. Sure, I could probably lose weight with Lean Cuisines, Crystal Light, & low fat ice cream. But I'm pretty sure I'd feel like shit all of the time and I wouldn't have the energy to work out.

Instead, I chose to drink a green smoothie and eat a banana before my workouts. I drink a protein shake after each workout and I try to eat a high raw, mostly whole foods diet the rest of the time. I still make room for the occasional doughnut, but I then try to make sure the rest of the day is full of proper nutrition to help my body deal with that doughnut (or chips, or ice cream, or whatever it was).

I'm not only on a journey to lose weight, but to find health, too. It's taken me a long time to realize they are two completely different concepts.

Having said all of this ~ I'm pretty sure I know why I have zero motivation this morning and feel like crap.

Homemade Protein Shake

~*~About a month ago (at least) I told AndreAnna over at the Primal Matriarch that I'd do a post about my homemade Protein Shakes. Yea, just now getting around to it. OOPS! So anyway, here it is. Better late than never, right? LOL!!~*~

Since I've started working out more, I've been looking for some good pre/post workout eats that won't make me sick to my stomach but will aid in muscle recovery. Enter: PROTEIN.

I can't do protein shakes. One, they taste nasty. Two, I don't do processed foods. I've sworn off soy products after doing a bit of research and that pretty much leaves whey protein. There are some natural shakes out there, but they are all made with whey from pasturized milk coming from grain fed cows. NO THANK YOU!

So, what's a girl to do? I got out my blender!

This was my birthday gift from my husband last year and he recently confided in me that he was skeptical about the purchase, but I've used it at least once a day since he bought it, usually twice. It was a good purchase, indeed! Next up: my ingredients. I keep these items on hand at all times....

Raw milk, Cacao Powder, Eggs from pastured chickens, Agave nectar, vanilla extract, Quality sea salt & Ice. That's it....let's do this!

First up....the milk. I use 3 cups of Whole Raw Jersey Milk. If you want to read more about raw milk, click HERE.

Cacao Powder. I use about 2 T. I use it just for flavor (I've also skipped this step and used frozen strawberries to make a strawberry shake). I intended to use raw powder, but when I went looking for it, I couldn't find it so I just bought a good quality cacao powder and it works. One of these days I'll pick up a raw powder and see how it goes....

Salt. Salt? Yes, salt. It adds a great flavor to the milkshake (trust me on this one) and its a vital nutrient for muscle recovery after a long workout. I used about 10-12 turns of the salt grinder. Do your research and find a good quality sea salt that you enjoy. I use the pink Himilayan Sea Salt found here. Please, please, please, whatever you do, do NOT use regular old Morton's salt. That stuff will kill you. It's refined (read: proccessed) and so full of unnatural chemicals, I can't believe it's allowed to be labeled "food".

Two Egg yolks. Check out that egg. It's round, it's bright orangy/yellow. Mmmm....click this google image to see the difference between a store bought egg and a pastured egg. Store bought eggs are produced from chickens that are fed a "vegetarian diet" (even the ulta expensive, cage free, organic, etc...egs). That basically means they are fed a diet of corn & seeds. Chickens are meant to be able to walk around outside and peck at the grass. They eat bugs, they love grass/greens. I would never ever consider eating a raw egg yolk that was store bought. THAT is a recipe for disater, I'm sure!

Agave nectar. It's gotten a bit of a bad rap lately, and I know it's not the healthiest choice, but it tastes the best in this recipe (I've tried local raw honey, but it just didn't taste as good). This is the only time I use agave and I'm ok with it. I use about 2 Tablespoons.

Add a handful of ice (and a splash of vanilla extract ~ not pictured) and let 'er rip!

Keep goin'

Full speed, baby!!

It comes out quite frothy and thick. I pour it into three pint containers and put in the fridge. Shake well before drinking and enjoy! I drink this before my runs and I've never had an upset stomach. I drink them after weight lifting or any other strenuous workout and it really helps my muscles recover.

Enjoy!

Never Forget....

I've mentioned before that my husband is a commercial airline pilot. He flies big jets. Just like the ones that slammed into the WTC, the Pentagon & that field in Pennsylvania. He's based out of Boston and he flies into JFK regularly. This day is my own personal hell. He's working this weekend and I'm a wreck.

I used to be a flight attendent (yes, we're a cliche) and I remember this day like it just happened 9 days ago, not 9 years ago. Thankfully I was home that day. I'd just finished a trip the night before. Many of my colleagues were not. They were stranded. Scattered all over the country, away from their loved ones.

Today, if you do nothing else, set your politics down for a moment. Sit and remember. Remember how you felt, the resolve we all had, the unity we believed in. We were all on the same team that day. We stood together and said "you will not break us." THAT is what being an American is all about. Standing tall and looking our enemy in the eyes and saying "we will not back down."

My thoughts and prayers are with each and every family that was touched my 9/11/2001. So, in other words, I'll be praying for everyone today.

Insanely Busy

Things have gotten quite busy here at the house of healthy. I promise, I'm still running, I'm still working out and I'm still eating well. I just havent' had time to come tell you about it! My 5K race is this weekend and I can't wait to recap it for you!!

It wasn't worth it.....

I took the above picture to blog all about a planned indulgence day. To tell you how delicious and wonderful the food was and how I felt great about my decision and to tell you it was totally worth it. I intended to write that blog post last night. It didn't happen.

The pizza was delicious and it was a planned indulgence. But it wasn't worth it. It was planned, so it fit within my calorie budget ~ I'm not afraid of it knocking my progress off track. I didn't feel "guilty" for having eaten it. I enjoyed the food while I was consuming it. So why wasn't it worth it?

It didn't fuel me properly. It had zero nutrition in it (white flour, commercial cheese, feed lot chicken, non organic onions, processed wing sauce......) and my appetite has shrunk, so after eating it I didn't want anything else. It sat like a brick in my stomach. I was uncomfortable. My body didn't know what to do with it.

I popped some food enzymes and that helped the brick feeling, but I was exhausted. I wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and take a nap (at 3:00 in the afternoon). My children had aikido training and a belt test is coming up next week so I hauled myself out of the house and headed to the dojo. Getting there, I was snippy with the kids. I had zero patience and I raised my voice more than once.

I skipped dinner because I still wasn't hungry, but I still wasn't very nice to my children. I crawled into bed with a book as soon as we got home and let my kids camp out in front of a movie. When it came time to get ready for bed, I was trying not to be that mean mom, but she still snuck out a time or two. I read the boys their stories (but my heart really wasn't in it) and tucked them in. I planned to come write that blog post, but I simply crawled back into bed and started reading my book.

I woke up at 3:00 am in my clothes, on top of the covers and all of the lights in the house on. I got up and realized I was so thirsty. I downed a big glass of water, turned off all of the lights and climbed back into bed.

Losing weight is about calories in/calories out. We all know that. Being healthy is so much more complex. It's about using those calories to fuel your body. It's about getting all of the nutrition you need to keep your body working the way it was intended. I didn't do that yesterday. I got to wondering, did I spend 30+ years feeling like shit and just not realize it? I think I probably did. That makes me sad. I can't get that time back, but I can use this remaining time that I have to nourish myself the best way I know how.

Indulgences and junk food are ok (occasionally) ~ but I've learned that I must make room for nutrition, too. Otherwise my body has no quality fuel with which to keep me going.

That pizza was delicious, but it was so not worth it....

Weekly Weigh In

Dun Dun Duuuunnn..... It's that time of the week again ~ it's Monday morning. Suddenly I love Monday mornings because it's my weigh in day and I'm nothing if not impatient and curious. Those two things together have often gotten me in trouble!

The gym has been closed since Thursday and doesn't reopen until tomorrow morning, so I wasn't sure what this morning was going to bring. I ran Thursday, did nothing Friday, used my kettlebell on Saturday (I'm still sore, btw) and did nothing on Sunday (except waddle around like an 80 year old woman).

So, my weigh in results for this week are: 216.0 lbs. That makes it a 1.8 lb loss from last week and a total loss of 9.2 lbs.

Slow and steady wins the race, right? I've been at this since July 1 (10 weeks) and I haven't even lost 10 lbs yet. I had a rough start, but the numbers are consistenly going down. I guess that's a good thing, right?

Do you Strength Train?

When I first joined the gym back in July I was really excited to get started on strength training again. I mean, we all know that muscles require more energy to maintain, right? So that means our resting calorie burn increases the more muscles we have. We also continue to burn more calories, for a longer time, after a stregth training workout than we do after a cardio only workout.

But I've stopped. Why? I'm scared. Scared of what you ask? I'm terrified of that "bad run". I know it's inevitable. I know bad runs happen and I know I'll just push through it. I've done it before and I know I can do it again. But here's the thing ~ I've been enjoying running so much and I have felt so great that I'm afraid of being sore. I'm terrified that if I'm sore after strength training that it will somehow ruin running for me. How's that for some backwards thinking, eh?

The gym has been closed since Thursday and isn't open again until Tuesday. My husband left for a trip Thursday evening so I've been stuck all weekend with no child care options. That equals an unhappy mama with dead logs for legs. I decided to do a quick kettlebell workout yesterday. To be perfectly honest I almost felt guilty for calling it a workout because I wasn't at it very long. Twenty minutes, tops. It's been quite a while since I've used my kettlebell and Oh Holy Hell, Mother of George!!! I forgot how sore I get after using that thing!! I'm walking around like an 80 year old woman today!! You should have seen me trying to go potty this morning. It would have been entertaining, I'm sure. You know, if I were into letting people watch me pee. Which I'm not. Unless you are a little boy ~ that I've birthed. Then I have no choice. They just follow me....sigh.

Sorry, got distracted. Anyway, so I'm sore as all get out this morning and ya know what? It feels great!! It feels so much better than the dead legs I had yesterday. I've found that if I go more than a day or two without working out my legs they start to feel like dead logs. I don't like that feeling. I want to feel my legs. I like knowing the blood is actually moving around in there.

The gym is still closed and I won't be running again until Tues, so I'm not concerned about having to run while sore, but I'm not afraid anymore. I actually think a good run right now would help me. Maybe I'd come back walking like I'm only 60 instead!

Do you kettlebell?

Do you kettlebell? The gym is closed this weekend for the holiday and some maintainence and my hubby is out of town so I can't go for a run. I just finished a short kettlebell workout, but I don't feel like I've done enough. Do you kettlebell? What are your favorite moves?

Setting Goals

~*~Warning: Gratuitous Bragging Ahead~*~

Do you set goals? How do you acheive them? Do you set them, but then in the back of you mind tell yourself "Oh, that will be so awesome if I can make it?"

My husband is an amazing man. I recognized this from the first time I met him. He has so much ambition and so much drive. To be perfectly honest, I was quite intimidated by it when we first started dating. The man accomplishes everything he sets out to do. His dad took him to the local ski hills once as a child and by the time he was 13 he was a nationally ranked skier. He decided he wanted to learn how to fly airplanes when he was in middle school ~ he took his first solo flight before he could legally drive a car. He then decided flying is what he wanted to do for his career and he became a Captain at a major airline by the time he was 32 (second youngest in the company).

I mean seriously, how can you not be intimidated by someone like that? He's so humble about all of it though. Having lived with him for so long now, I can say that I've picked up a thing or two from him ~ like the secret to his success.

Have you heard of The Pacific Institute? The what? Yea, I hadn't either. The Pacific Institute is run by Lou & Diane Tice and let me tell you, it's changed my life. It's a three day seminar (or a book to be read at your leisure, but let me tell you the seminar is AMAZING!) about changing the way yout speak to yourself. Changing the pictures in your mind.

It's not just a warm fuzzy, prop you up, everybody sing Kumbaya type of seminar ~ those annoy me. It's about how we talk to ourselves. It's about the picture that we see in our mind. Our brains look at life through pictures ~ whether concsciously or not. The pictures may not match reality, but they will match what we think is reality. And our brains will do everything in their power to make reality match your pictures.

This is way over simplifiying it, but it boils down to "your mind leads you to what you think about." The self fulfilling prophecy. That wikipedia article gives an example of a woman causing the demise of her marriage because she is told (and subsequently believes) that her marriage is doomed to fail and she fears that failure. She creates the picture in her head of a failed marriage (and she gives credibility to this picture) and she then subconsciously sabatoges her marriage.

Not all self fulfilling prophecies are negative. And not all of the pictures in our mind are placed there by things we are told by other people. Who here hasn't said "I can't exercise because......" "I'll never be a runner because......." "I wish I could take off the weight but......."

Everytime we say those words ~ either to ourselves or to someone else ~ it just adds another detail to the pictures we already have in our minds. So, how do we change those pictures? Affirmations.

• I am a runner. Strong and fast.
• I am a healthy & fit woman. I set good nutrition examples for my children.
• I am able to complete all of my workouts because I manage my time well and I schedule in time for myself daily.

Those are just a few of my daily affirmations. Each time I say them I picture them in my mind as if they are reality. The stronger the picture in my head ~ the faster the goals will be met.

This is all fairly new stuff to me (in the last few years). My husband was raised this way. It's second nature to him. It's something I have to work at daily. But it works. It really really does work. Positive thinking is only part of the equation ~ we have to believe those thoughts. We have to see our new reality. We are the only ones that can change our pictures. Believe in yourself ~ You are worth it.

Recommended reading if you'd like to learn more about affirmations and goal setting:

• Smart Talk for Achieving Your Potential
• The Secret
• Livestrong Self Affirmations Article

Plus so many other great resources! Now, go write some affirmations!!

I just finished Week 4 of the Couch to 5K program. My legs felt strong and I could have kept going. Bring it on Week 5 ~ you don't scare me!!

On a side note, I have noticed that since I've picked up the running and decreased the walking, the weight is coming off a lot faster. BONUS!!

Holy Crap!

Have you met Sean Anderson, yet? I must have been living under a rock for the last few years because I had not heard of this man at all. I was screwing around on the internet the other night and I literally just stumbled onto his blog (can't even remember how I got there). He's lost over 250 lbs. The old fashioned way. He is such an inspiration and so down to earth. I've only just begun to scratch the surface on this blog, but I can wait to devour every word he's written. Seriously, if you haven't read his blog yet, go do it. Now. Right NOW.

And do you want to know the absolutely coolest thing about Sean? He linked to ME on his blog!! I know, right?! Little old me ~ all linked up on the weightloss king's blog. Holy Crap!!

So anyway, Thank You, Sean. I am honored. It is my dream to enjoy the kind of success you have had and I know that with the right attitude and determination, I'll get there.

And to those that have found their way here via Sean's link ~ welcome. I hope you chose to stick around a bit, read some of my archives and be a cheerleader for me! I could use as many of those as I can get!! Please leave a comment and introduce yourself!

Statistics

It's the first of the month. You know what that means, right? It's statistics time!

I've cut way back this month on my cross training, focusing mainly on my C25K training. I need to get back into crosstraining.

Speaking of C25K training, yesterday I completed W4D2. Tomorrow I will complete Week 4. I've heard horror stories of Week 5, but I'm actually looking forward to it. It will be a challenge. This training is one of the biggest challenges I've taken on in my adult life ~ you know, aside from motherhood and all. I can't wait to say "I did it!" Suck on THAT Week 5!!!

Ok, let's get to the meat of this post, shall we? My statistics. They aren't as drastic as I'd like to see, but I just keep repeating "slow and steady wins the race." I'll get there, I know I will.

• Starting Weight: 225.2/217.6
• Height: 5'5"/5'5"
• Starting BMI: 37.5 (Obese)/36.2
• Bust measurement: 48"/47"
• Waist measurement: 48"/44"
• Hips measurement: 51.5"/50"
• Biceps measurement: 12.5"/12.5"
• Thighs measurement: 23.5"/22.5"
• Body Fat Percentage: 53%/50.4%

That's a total of 7.6 lbs lost. Do you see that waist measurment?!? I've lost 4" off my waist!! The rest isn't really much to write home about. I'm not the most consistent when it comes to measurements. My husband suggested I get tatoos all over marking the spots I measure. I think I'll pass on that option for now, but I guess it could be something to consider..... HA!

Weekly Weigh In

So, it's that time of the week again. How did it get to be Monday already? I've been so super busy this last week and I have a small confession to make: I haven't counted calories all week. I simply haven't had the time. Even with my handy dandy phone app, it just didn't happen.

I didn't allow myself to overeat just because I wasn't counting, but being as busy as I was I didn't always make the best choices with the options I had.

Oh yea, I'm also having a lovely visit with TOM. He always ruins a party, doesn't he? Since I've changed my eating habits TOM really hasn't been much of a bother, but man oh man has he made his presence known this month!! The emotions, the cravings, the bloating. I don't know what it is....maybe all of that processed food I ate at the beginning of the month? Either way, I'm not happy with him right now!!

Ok, so here we go: This week's weigh in result is 217.8. For a one week's loss of only .2 lbs. Considering the week I've had, I'll take it. That puts me at a total loss of 7.4 lbs. I know slow and steady wins the race, but this is agonizing!!!

Everyone Has A Story.....

Do you judge people based on their size? Don't lie. We all do it. Not maliciously, but we make certain assumptions about people based on their appearance, size, clothes, etc... It's human nature and I'm not ashamed to admit that I do it, too.

Recently while working out at the gym, someone made a comment to me about "it gets easier" or "you are doing such a great job, you should be so proud of yourself" I forget the exact comment, but it was painfully obvious that this person thought this was the first time in my life I had ever seen the inside of a gym or ever walked up and touched a weight machine.

I wanted to scream out "THIS IS NOT ME!!" "I HAVEN'T ALWAYS BEEN THIS SIZE!!" I used to be a collegiate athlete for shit's sake! In my mind I still see myself as that fit, muscular girl. I have to remind myself that to others, I'm simply an over weight, almost middle aged woman that looks like she's enjoyed a few too many twinkies.

While having my orientation at the gym (on the weight machines) my trainer mentioned that I already know how to work all of the machines so why do I even need her? I laughed a bit and explained that I used to be an athlete and it turns out that her daughter played competitive volleyball as well. You know what she said to me? "Wow, you're awfully short to be a volleyball player. You must have been really good to be able to play in college." I don't know why, but that comment sent me over the moon. I do know why ~ because I was good. And having someone recognize that ~ even all these years later ~ felt good.

So anyway, back to judging. If I see a skinny woman at the gym, at the grocery store, at the park, wherever, I used to make the assumption that she's always been thin. She's never had to count a calorie in her life and that being healthy simply comes naturally to her. Conversly, I'm guilty of doing what was done to also me. If I see an overweight woman I used to make the assumption that she eats horribly, doesn't take care of herself and probably has never seen the inside of a gym.

That's all changed now. I'm making a choice. I'm chosing to look at people differently. I'm chosing to see a thin, healthy, active woman and I'm going to believe that she works hard for her health. Maybe she was overweight in the past and maybe she's overcome such huge hurdles in her life that being healthy now is the only way for her to continue living. Maybe that overweight woman that I ran into at the library has already lost 50+ lbs and is still working hard everyday to continue taking the weight off. Maybe the obese person you see filling her cart with fruits and vegetables at the grocery store used to be a top notch athlete and she's finding her way back...

Everyone has a story.

Making Kefir From Scratch

google image from this site. Note I did not use their method for making my kefir.

Kefir is a fermented milk drink that is packed with beneficial bacteria. Stay tuned to see the results of my first batch!

I'm Twittering....

I finally got Twitter to work on my phone ~ you can follow me here.

Wouldn't Life Be Easier......???

I've always been "that girl." The one that paves her own way. The one they've always affectionately labeled "cooky". The one my brother calls his "crazy sister." (I'm his only sister).

I'm not a status quo kind of girl. I don't just followed the pack. I don't do things just because I am "supposed to." I don't give credence to someone who simply claims to be an expert. I do my own research and form my own opinions. I do this with all things in life ~ nutrition, politics, education, spirituality, everything. I've lost friends because of it. I'm ok with that because they weren't truly my friends to begin with.

I homeschool my children, I eat as cleanly as I can, I do not participate in organized religion & and I'm the only person in my (extended) family to actually leave the area in which we were all raised. I wouldn't change anything, but sometimes living this way is exhausting. Sometimes I wish my kids went to public school and sometimes I would love to just grab a Lean Cuisine and a 100 calorie pack for lunch and call it good. Occasionally I wish I still lived right next to all of my family so I could ship the kids over there and just take a few minutes to breath.

I couldn't do any of those things in good conscience. I've researched traditional schooling until I thought my eyes would pop out of my head, I've read study after study after study about nutrition and health. I've read the history and current events of numerous religions since I was in college and I love living somewhere new and different from where I knew grew up.

People joke with me and tell me I read too much. But I can't justify not reading the things I read. I believe I have to be informed. I can't make a good decision without reading everything I can get my hands on. I love knowledge and I don't consider Yahoo News, CNN, Fox News, People Magazine, Cosmo Magazine, etc....to be valid sources of information. I have to dig deeper. I have to find their sources and then the sources for those sources. Those sources then usually lead me to other articles and other studies and so on and so forth. I told you it could be exhausting.

I'm so completely overwhelmed with life right now and I'm having one of those moments that I think life would be so much easier if I were shipping my kids off to school next week and could pop in a frozen dinner and call it a meal. Easier? Yes. The best life I could give myself and my kids? ~ not even close.

So what do I do when I feel like I'm drowning in the details of my life? A friend told me once "just keep swimming until you get a chance to come up for air." And that's exactly what I do. I just keep pushing. I know eventually things will settle down. We'll find our new routine with the new school year, my kitchen will be clean enough to actually use again someday and my husband will be home to give me a break with the kids, until then Happy Swimming......