It wasn't worth it.....

I took the above picture to blog all about a planned indulgence day. To tell you how delicious and wonderful the food was and how I felt great about my decision and to tell you it was totally worth it. I intended to write that blog post last night. It didn't happen.

The pizza was delicious and it was a planned indulgence. But it wasn't worth it. It was planned, so it fit within my calorie budget ~ I'm not afraid of it knocking my progress off track. I didn't feel "guilty" for having eaten it. I enjoyed the food while I was consuming it. So why wasn't it worth it?

It didn't fuel me properly. It had zero nutrition in it (white flour, commercial cheese, feed lot chicken, non organic onions, processed wing sauce......) and my appetite has shrunk, so after eating it I didn't want anything else. It sat like a brick in my stomach. I was uncomfortable. My body didn't know what to do with it.

I popped some food enzymes and that helped the brick feeling, but I was exhausted. I wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and take a nap (at 3:00 in the afternoon). My children had aikido training and a belt test is coming up next week so I hauled myself out of the house and headed to the dojo. Getting there, I was snippy with the kids. I had zero patience and I raised my voice more than once.

I skipped dinner because I still wasn't hungry, but I still wasn't very nice to my children. I crawled into bed with a book as soon as we got home and let my kids camp out in front of a movie. When it came time to get ready for bed, I was trying not to be that mean mom, but she still snuck out a time or two. I read the boys their stories (but my heart really wasn't in it) and tucked them in. I planned to come write that blog post, but I simply crawled back into bed and started reading my book.

I woke up at 3:00 am in my clothes, on top of the covers and all of the lights in the house on. I got up and realized I was so thirsty. I downed a big glass of water, turned off all of the lights and climbed back into bed.

Losing weight is about calories in/calories out. We all know that. Being healthy is so much more complex. It's about using those calories to fuel your body. It's about getting all of the nutrition you need to keep your body working the way it was intended. I didn't do that yesterday. I got to wondering, did I spend 30+ years feeling like shit and just not realize it? I think I probably did. That makes me sad. I can't get that time back, but I can use this remaining time that I have to nourish myself the best way I know how.

Indulgences and junk food are ok (occasionally) ~ but I've learned that I must make room for nutrition, too. Otherwise my body has no quality fuel with which to keep me going.

That pizza was delicious, but it was so not worth it....