Why is it?

Every once in a while, after swim practice is over, and if my hubby is out of town, I'll take the kids to get a slice of pizza at our local market before doing a little grocery shopping.

Tonight we showed up at the market and the soup bar was already closed down (my preferred dinner at the market). So I headed over to the pizza station with the boys.

I ordered three slices of pizza and a snack sized bag of chips for us to share. I ate my slice of pizza and a small handful of chips and completely satisfied. Maybe even a little full.

Why is it then, that when we used to order pizza into my home (can't remember the last time we did that) I could easily eat two or three slices? How come I used to be able to sit down and eat a half a bag of chips in one sitting?

Leaving food sitting there is something that I never used to be able to do. If it was in front of me, I ate it. I couldn't help it. I still struggle with it from time to time, but it is so much easier now for me to walk away from food.

What's the difference? Did I suddenly develop a will power of steel this time? Nope. This time is different because I no longer consider any foods "bad" or "off limits" Yes, there are some foods that will probably never chose to consume again ~ but I know that if I really really want it, I can have it. Nothing is forbidden.

It is no longer about "good" foods and "bad" foods. It's no longer about indulging myself only to feel guilty for doing so.

This time it's all about how my body feels. I don't like feeling like shit. No food in the world tastes good enough to be worth feeling like crap. Yes, I still indulge, but now I can trust myself (most of the time) to stop when I'm satisified. I dont' have to gorge myself in fear of never having this "treat" (whatever it is) again.

I know that if I'm really, truly craving something I can simply get in the car and go get some. Having that freedom has caused a lot of those "forbidden" foods to really lose their appeal.

Take pizza for instance, I've never loved pizza like some people do. Sure, it's good and I enjoy a slice here and again, but I don't crave it. If you told me pizza suddenly didn't exist anymore I'd be a little bummed, but it wouldn't be the end of my world.

Under my old mind set we ate pizza quite often. It was the rebelious spirit in me. It was a "bad" food and we always want that which we cannot have, right? So I wanted pizza. I needed pizza. No, not really. I needed to be "bad". I wanted to "show myself" that I could eat the bad stuff. Oh yea? Take THAT, self! See, I ate something bad. What you gonna do about it?

I'm gonna gain like 100 lbs, that's what. But now that I no longer see pizza as "bad" any more, it's totally lost it's fun. I eat because I need fuel to survive. I enjoy my food, but it no longer has the ability to play emotional mind games with me. I don't use food against myself anymore.

The freedom is bliss.