Do you Zumba?

Since Monday, I have burned 3,774 calories at the gym. I. am. spent. Actually, now that I look at it, it doesn't look like a lot. But I haven't been regularly going to the gym for quite some time and I jumped back in with both feet.

Since I'm not running right now, I was concerned that I wasn't getting enough cardio. I've been loving getting back into strength training and I can feel my legs getting stronger, but I needed to get my heart pumping again.

I went to spin class last week and loved it so much I went back again today. That got my heart going, but I still felt like I wanted something more. My Thursday evenings opened up unexpectedly and wouldn't you know it, my gym offers Zumba on Thursdays. Perfect.

I'd never been to a Zumba class in my life. I hadn't actually been dancing since I was a sexy hot 20something (and there was usually lots of alcohol involved and so I didn't care if I looked good doing it or not).

I was so self conscience, but I'm not really one to care what others' think so I figured what the hell. I tried to talk some friends into going with me, but everyone was busy. I showed up and just danced. And danced. And danced. And then we danced some more. I had SO. MUCH. FUN.

I'm now a Zumba convert. Every Thurs evening, come hell or high water, I'll be there. Sadly, my gym only offers the class twice a week ~ Thurs morning and Thurs evening. My kids have classes on Thursday mornings so that class is out for me.

I'd do Zumba every day if I could! It was that much fun! Do you Zumba?

CORRECTION - I went into Livestrong to update my numbers and I evidently weighed 221 on Wed. My weight can fluctuate by a few pounds everyday, but still that's actually a loss if 3.4 lbs since WED. Whoot!!

Weekly Weigh In

I'm bringing back the Weekly Weigh In. I mentioned yesterday that I started counting calories and going back to the gym. I started that on Wed, so today's weigh in is not the result of a full week, but I like having my weigh in day on Mondays. Sundays are 95% of the time a rest day and my weight is always lower following a rest day. Monday works. So, today's weigh in is not the result of a full week of counting calories and working out, but still it was a success! On Wed, I weighed 220.0 lbs. This morning I weigh 217.6. That's a loss of 2.4 lbs in just over half a week. WooHoo! Go me! I'm back! I'm so very back! Heading off to the gym, now. Whoot!

Ok. So blogger isn't recognizing paragraph breaks tonight. I really did have that post divided into paragraphs. Not all jumbled together like it posted. I swear. Pinkie promise.

Starting Over

I went to the gym on Wed and again on Fri. Weights and Spin class. They kicked my ass, but it was awesome. I can't wait to go back again this week! After we returned from our trip, my weight was bouncing around all over the place, but it finally settled out at about 220. That is wholly unacceptable to me, so I dusted off my Livestrong account and punched in my numbers and have begun tracking calories again. Weekly weigh ins will return tomorrow! Stay tuned! I weigh just about the same as I did when I started this journey ~ so I had a hard time figuring out why this time I have almost 1000 fewer calories everyday. I started playing around with my account and somehow, some way, I must have accidently set my goals to "maintain" the last time I was counting. It makes sense. I didn't lose very consistenly or very quickly. I was never hungry and very very rarely did I go over my calories. Huh....well. I've had to make some changes this time. On the days that I don't work out, it's really hard to come in under my calories. I'm only letting myself have one cup of coffee on the days I don't work out and I make sure to get my green smoothies in. Then, I go from there. In injury news ~ my foot feels tremendously better. Before I was dealing with plantar faciitis pain, achillies pain & heel pain. Almost all of the time and it was excruitating after I was sitting for a while and had to get back up. I've back to the gym for half a week and my foot pain is almost entirely gone. My achillies feels great. I'm stretching my calf all day long and keeping it loose. My heel pain has completely disappeared. GONE. Evaporated. Nada. And my PF pain is still there, but it's very localized and when I walk barefoot is just feels like I'm walking on a marble. I know from experience that a little bit of ice and some massage can fix that right up. I haven't run in quite some time. I'm going to give myself another week in the gym with cross training and no running, then I plan to start slow and ease some running back into my weeks. I'm pretty sure the half marathon isn't going to happen. But there are lots of them all year long in these parts. I'll find one. I'll do one. I'll finish one. A few people have asked me why I'm so hell bent on getting back to running. They've asked why can't I just get my exercise from the gym since I seem to like the classes so much? Well, these people that ask me such things aren't runners. It's not about the exercise. It's not about getting a cardio workout. Running, for me, is about freedom. Serenity. Peace. It's about that high that I get after a great run. I've never gotten that high from the gym. Not once. I miss that feeling. I crave it. And I can't wait to feel it again!

I'm back and it feels........good?

*source*

I went back to the gym yesterday and headed to the weights class (Ultimate Strength). I got there a few minutes late and all of the 5 lb plates were taken to put on my bar. I typically use 10 lb plates for my legs and back and 5 lb plates for my arms & shoulders.

Considering I hadn't been to this class since Dec, I was planning on using 5 lb plates for the whole class. No go. Today, I'm walking like that poor woman above. But it's a good thing. It reminds me that I have a lot of work ahead of me, but that's good. I'm looking forward to it.

On another note, my foot feels fantastic today. I'm not limping at all ~ but I am hobbling because my legs are jello!! I'm going to hold off on running for at least a few more days, but I did buy some running books today at Barnes & Noble. Stay tuned for some reviews on those.

I've been cranky and emotional all day. I'm stress eating and I feel crummy for it. To top off this fabulous day my Internet is down. Boo.

Coffee

Gosh, I can tell it's been a while since I've posted. I sat down to write a simple post on coffee and I ended up writing a book! LOL!! I deleted it all because I realized you probably don't care about all of the sordid details of my on again, off again love affair with coffee! It boils down to this: I've always wanted to be a coffee drinker, but I could never stand the taste. Then I had this:

Children changed my life. Suddenly I needed help! I could hardly make it through the day chasing these two crazy boys around! But I still didnt' like the taste of coffee. Then I found this:

Aaahhhhh. Coffee made things all better. Then I began paying attention to what I was putting in my body and I started reading labels. I cringed when I read the back of my beloved creamer and I could no longer drink my morning joe without literally gagging at what was in that little blue bottle. *snif snif* Then a few months ago I discovered this:

Oh Happy Happy Joy Joy!! My love affair continues. I can have my morning coffee and I can flavor it with something that I feel good about. It's a good thing. It makes me happy!

Pressing the Reset Button

When a weightloss blogger suddenly disappears you can pretty much bet the farm that she's not out partying it up about all of her successes. We bloggers, we're a pretty talkative bunch. We don't usually fall off the Earth unless there are things we simply don't want to share. My life got super crazy for about 3 1/2 weeks. Was it so crazy that I couldn't sit down for a few mintues and write out some quick updates? No. Was it so crazy that I couldn't make up some salads to have in the fridge to keep eating healthfully? No. Did I do either of these things? No. In the last month:

• We've gone out of town


• We planned an 8 year old's birthday party


• We rushed said 8 year old to the ER after he nearly cut his thumb off. (11 stitches is a lot in a little thumb!)


• We cancelled said birthday party because it's hard to go rock climbing with 11 stitches in your thumb.


• We rushed a dog to the vet after getting nipped by another dog at the kennel and developing an infection on his head


• I've had my husband home for 25 days (in a row). Fabulous ~ but it really wrecks my routines


• I ran a four mile run pain free


• I went to a support group for TBI survivors and have begun the horrible task of trying to get a referral to a specialist


• I've begun walking with a noticable limp and haven't been pain free in at least two weeks

And 5000 other things that I'm sure I'm forgetting......

I've used every one of those things to avoid exercising and eating properly. I feel like shit and I'm quite certain I look like shit. I'm frustrated because I can't run right now. My half marathon is 8 weeks away and the furthest I've run is 4 miles and I can't even run 2 miles without cringing right now.

I used that to completely throw in the towel for exercise. I know my foot feels better when I do non weight bearing exercise. I can ride the bike, I can swim, I can even do the elliptical, I can lift weights. All of those make me feel better and help my foot heal, but I drowned myself in pity and said fuck it all.

No more. It ends now. I'm pressing the reset button. I'm putting the half marathon out of my head for now. I will go to the gym and do what worked for me the last time. I'll take the strength class, I'll ride the bike, I'll take the ball class, I'll do spin, I'll swim. Anything but run. And when my foot feels better I'll run a mile. And when that doesn't hurt, I'll run two. And if by some miracle of God I can get my mileage up to 1o miles in the next 8 weeks I'll run that half marathon. Otherwise, I'll keep doing what doesn't hurt and eventually I'll get there. I live in Seattle for crap's sake ~ there are half marathons all year long around here. I'll find one and I'll do it.

The sun is shining today, it's a beautiful day and I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself. I'm back, peeps. I'm so very very back!

Someone mentioned to me the other day that they were disappointed to discover that the half and half they'd been using in their coffee had corn syrup. They were trying to eat more "clean" and wanted to find an alternative for her coffee. I suggested she look for an organic brand as that should be a healthier option. She replied that was a great idea and she'd be sure to look for organic "fat free" half and half.
I didn't have the heart to tell her that, by definition, half and half is half milk and half cream. There is no such thing as real (aka "clean") fat free half and half.
I am always astounded by the number of people that believe fat free or sugar free or gluten free or *insert* free is automatically the healthiest option.
Often times when one offending compnent is removed a chemical, synthetic version is used instead. I recognize that sugar is not a healthy ingredient. However, give me evaporated cane crystals over Splenda (or sacchrine or aspartame) any day of the week.
Calorie free or fat free is not synonomous with healthy. I have found that the chemical synthetics actually can leach the nutrients from my body leaving me feeling sluggish and ill. Nutrient rich whole foods from the earth are the best way I've found to nourish my body and stay healthy.

I'm alive. I really am. Since we got back in town my husband has been sick and on Friday my brand new 8 yo tried to cut his thumb off. It's been a wild ride around here. I'll be back to regular blogging soon!

A Walking Chemical

The other morning, before we left my inlaws house, I had the following for breakfast:

1 100% Whole Wheat English Muffin
1 slice of 2% American Cheese
1 serving of Egg Beaters, scrambled
1 serving Hormel Bacon

I washed it all down with a Diet Pepsi. I have no idea how many calories were in the meal, but some may look at that and think "Hmm, that's a fairly healthy breakfast". I beg to differ. And the stomach ache and head ache I had a few hours later confirmed to me that my original thoughts were true ~ it was one big chemical filled breakfast. Bleh....

The English Muffins were made with rancid oils & flours (nearly all breads are) and HFCS ~ no thank you

The Egg Beaters (generic version) were made with "natural flavors" and "other natural ingredients" ~ a euphemism for MSG ~ as well as "color". What the hell is "color" and why is it listed in an ingredient list?!?

The American Cheese is another name for "processed cheese" which uses chemical emulsifiers and artificial colors. Ick.

The Hormel Bacon ~ I've never seen anything like it. My MIL pulled a plastic sleeve out of the freezer with three slices of raw bacon in it. She popped the whole sleeve in the microwave and cooked my bacon right in the plastic sleeve. I almost threw up.

Oh, and my english muffin had some kind of canola oil spread on it as well. We don't do canola oil in this house. At all. It's a rancid vegetable oil and once it's solidified, well, I just dont' want to know what kind of chemicals are used for that....

I would have much prefered home baked bread spread with real butter and topped with a small piece of artisan cheese and a scrambled real egg. On the side a few pieces of bacon from organic pastured pigs. Mmmm....

I wasn't at home so I don't stress about what other's feed me. I can't. I'd drive myself nuts along with my hosts. I graciously accepted my breakfast and finished every bite. But I know that I feel better and I function better when I eat real food. From the earth. Yes, it has a few more calories, but because the food is real and from a farm rather than from a laboratory, it takes less of it to fill me up and keeps me fuller much longer.

When I first set out to reclaim my health I knew that it would involve more than just getting into physical shape ntrue health includes the physical, the mental, the spiritual and the emotional.
Nutrition and exercise are the easy parts. They are no brainers. Tonight I took a huge step forward with the mental and emotional aspects of my journey. Tonight I went to a support group for survivors of traumatic brain injury.

I'm out if town this weekend (with no laptop). Two nights at my inlaws house and then two nights at the Great Wolf Lodge. Two whole days in a bathing suit and I can't wait! It's not about how I look, it's about spending quality time with my family.
Going to try to sqeeze in a four mile run tomorrow. I'll let you know how it goes.

"Crack Soup"

A while back I posted about a soup recipe that I'd gotten from the Trainer Momma. I've made it several times now and while I got the recipe from her, like all things in life, I've placed my own spin on it. It. is. amazing. I seriously can't get enough and I've dubbed it "crack soup"

Chicken with Bean & Barely Soup
Adapted from this recipe


1 lg onion, diced

2 stalks celery, diced

2 (or more) large carrots, sliced

Olive oil

4 c water

12 c chicken broth

1/2 c medium pearl barley

1/3 c dried black beans

1/3 c dried great northern beans

1/3 c dried kidney beans

Cooked leftover chicken (as much or as little as you have)

1 Tblsp Chili Powder

1 tsp cumin

1/2 tsp oregano

3/4 tsp salt

Saute onions, celery & carrots in oil until soft. Add remaining ingredients and bring to a high simmer. Reduce to a low simmer and allow to simmer until beans are cooked. About 2 - 2 1/2 hours. Attempt to eat only one bowl.

Running, Running, Running.....

I snapped this pic the other day after a 3 mile run in the sunshine. Sunshine, gooooooood. Yesterday was my first "long" run that put me in unchartered territory. 4 miles. GULP. Guess what, I did it. Guess what else, I ran the whole four miles. Yup, didn't even walk once! Now, my slow boat pace probably would've counted as walking in some books, but I just kept shuffling along. I know my speed will increase as my mileage picks up and to be honest, I'm just not that worried about it. I RAN FOUR MILES!!!!!

So, about those goals I set a while back....600 miles in 2011. Recovering from a stubborn injury wasnt' really part of that plan, but a goal is a goal. I'm currently at 16.31 miles for the year. By the time I'm finished training for my half marathon I'll be just over 200 (at the very minimum). That gives me 7 months to run about 400 miles. In other words, almost 60 miles per month. 15 miles per week. I can do it. Especially if I add in a few other half marathons to my list. :D

Some friends of ours have registered for the Las Vegas Half Marathon. We're considering it. How AWESOME would that be? I'll keep you updated.

Vegan-ish. Who Knew?

About a year or so ago, shortly before I started this blog, I experimented a bit with vegetarianism. It was shortly after I'd read the book "The China Study" by T. Colin Campbell. I lasted about a week. I started doing some more research and realized that his book had been debunked on numerous occasions and in my opinion, had a lot of valid points, but also contained a lot of junk science.

I simply can't get on board with vegatarianism or veganism. Why? Because I don't do food "rules". If you tell me something is off limits (meat, dairy, carbs, sugar, chocolate) then I begin to obsess over it and can think of nothing else. It's part of my personality. I also do not believe that healthy eating is as black & white as some of the veggie fanatics would lead you to believe.

It's because of this that I never would have used the term vegan, or any derivitive of it, to describe my way of eating. But then I read an article on Livestrong. And then I nearly fell out of my chair. It's almost as if this article was written about me, specifically. Vegan-ish? Who knew.

I do believe that meat & dairy can be part of a very healthy lifestyle, if the animals were raised as nature intended. I do not eat food lot meat. I buy only grassfed beef or pastured chickens from local farms. I buy my eggs at the farmer's market (or from local farms that supply my local market during the winter). I will only drink milk that has come from grass fed cows.

I try to base the majority of my meals around vegetables and my snacks seem to center around fruit. The kids and I rewrote our own food pyramid the other day and the bottom is covered in fresh fruits and vegetables. They are becoming the main staple in our house, and it all starts with our green smoothies.

I know quite a few vegetarians and I consider a handful of them among my closest friends. It works for them and they are NOT food nazis. We can coexist peacefully. And now I can tell them "I'm like you-ish."

I try to eat mostly whole foods. I don't like processed stuff and if I try to make as many things from scratch as I can. Having said that.....

This is the best bread ever. My friend Ann sent me an email the other day and asked if I'd test her recipe for her. Little did I know she was inviting me into carbohydrate heaven. My kids devoured this. This will become my new go to bread and I'll never had to buy a loaf of rubbery grocery store bread again.

Wheat bread even your kids will eat
makes one 8x4 loaf

1 cup warm water ( 105 to 115 degrees )
2 tbsp brown sugar
2 tbsp honey ( agave or maple syrup can also be used )
2 tsp active dry yeast
3 tbsp melted coconut oil
3 cups whole wheat white flour, less 3 tbsp ( you need to remove 3 tbsp to compensate for the gluten )
3 tbsp vital wheat gluten
1 tsp salt
1/8 tsp citric acid ( fruit fresh )
1/8 tsp ginger

In a medium mixing bowl combine water, sugar and honey. Add 2 tsp yeast and allow to bloom for 10 to 12 minutes.

In a separate mixing bowl combine four, gluten ,salt, ginger and citric acid. Let sit at room temperature while yeast blooms. Never use cold ingredients when making bread.

When yeast mixture is ready: melt and mix in coconut oil and flour mixture. Stir to combine.

Knead the dough on large surface for 6 to 10 minutes. The trick to getting light bread is not to use too much extra flour when kneading. You can also use a light spray of oil in place of additional flour. You will know you are done kneading when the dough is elastic and springs back when you press your finger into it.

Let rise in a covered bowl until doubled in size, about 40 min.

Punched down dough and knead dough a few more times. Shape into a loaf and place into a greased 8x4 loaf pan. Cover and let rise again, until double in size.

Bake at 350 for 30 to 35 minutes. If bread begins to brown too much drape a piece of tin foil over it.

That's it. Easy Peasy. I love it. I had another slice this morning slathered in peanut butter and a bit of jam. Still as soft and heavenly as it was yesterday. Yum!! I may omit the ginger in future loaves. It gives the bread a nice bite, but I'm simply not a big fan of ginger. That's all.

Now I get it....

A few weeks ago I ran a mile without stopping. I haven't done if often in my life and I hadn't done it again since.

I read a lot of runner's blogs. One recurring thing I've noticed in all of the veterans blogs' is that they all say the same thing about the first mile ~ it's hard. Then their legs warm up and they find their grove and off they go to have a fabulous run.

I read it. Intellectually I understood it. I just never "got it". It seemed my legs never warmed up. Everytime I ran I was counting down until I could walk again. My legs burned and while I new it was good, and I even enjoyed it, it hurt.

Then yesterday happened. I walked up to the top of my street like I always do. I planned to run my 3.1 mile route along the water like I always do. I hit the timer on my watch and I started running. Like I always do. My legs started to burn and I was thinking of when I could walk, like I always DID. And then I said "f*ck it". I decided that I was going to run for the first mile. There was no reason I couldn't go at least that far. Afterall, I had just done it the other day, right?

I got to the fence post (which is a mile from my street) and I thought "hhmm, I'm not feeling so bad, I can run to the end of the fence." (just about 20 additional yards or so). Then I thought "well, I can run a little further, maybe to our old street." I got there and thought "Well, if I've come this far, I can go the additional quarter mile it takes to get to the park. Then I can walk a bit." I got to the park and a funny thing happened. My legs felt good. Whoa, what??? I was in a grove. So this is what they're all talking about?

So, at the park I thought what the hell....I'm going to run back to our old street and see how I feel. Guess what, I felt great! So I kept going. I got to the fence post...and kept going. In total I ran about 2 and a quarter miles without stopping. I finally puttered out a bit and needed to walk. I'd run about 31 minutes without a walk break. When I was doing the C25K program, the longest it had me run was 25 minutes and I wanted to beat that. I did.

I walked for 6 minutes and then started running again. Again, my legs felt great. I was in unfamiliar territory. I was high. I finally understood what all of those runners had been talking about and I didn't want to stop. I was enjoying my "fix" and I wasn't ready to give it up.

I got back to the street that leads into my neighborhood and I couldn't make myself turn towards home. I just kept running. I ran to the street that leads to the back end of our neighborhood. I was still feeling great and I knew I had that extra distance in me.

I turned onto the street and before me was a hill! My immediate thought was "Oh dear, what have I done?" But I remembered how great my legs felt and how amazing this feeling was so I dug deep and I ran up the hill. Let me say that again, I ran up the hill. Prior to yesterday, I simply didn't do hills. I was intimidated by them. But I OWNED that hill. It's now my bitch.

I ran around the block and before I knew it I was at my street. I wanted to keep going, but I know better and knew to finish while I still felt strong.

I came home wearing an enormous smile. I ended up running 3.5 miles in 51 minutes. My only walking was that 6 minute break in the middle. I didn't stop smiling all day!

I went to bed last night thinking "Now I get it...."

Long Runs

Boy, running outside makes all. the. difference. The sun was shining and I was running by the water. It was heavenly. I ran 3.1 miles today (it's quite handy that to the local park and back is exactly a 5K from my driveway).

I did walk some, but I ran way more than I walked and I finished strong. It was my "long run" for the week (sad, isn't it?) and from here on out, my long runs will be my longest run to date. My next long run is 4 miles and the furthest I've ever gone is 3.7 miles. It's getting exciting!

I had started to doubt whether or not this half marathon would really happen, but after today's run all doubt has been erased. Bring it ON!!

I Ran

I ran yesterday and that's about the most positive thing I can say about it. I wasn't even planning on going to the gym at all. I didn't want to face the treadmill. Then hubster called and said "have you been to the gym today?" "No", I said. Then he said "you know you're going to have to run at some point if you want to be ready for this half marathon." Yeah, yeah, yeah....but it's true.

I'm intimidated by this goal I've set. I know I'll get through it, but right now coming off an injury it's just plain scary.

So, I packed up the boys and headed to the gym. I intended to run 3 miles, but my legs just felt like lead and I was bored. I hate the treadmill. I lasted 1.81 miles and I think I walked about 80% of it (at least). It wasn't a good run. It wasn't really even a run. But the miles are in and I feel better about that.

Tomorrow I'm hitting the road. Hubs is back in town and I can run outside. Yippeeeeee!!!

Today the boys and I are making our own food pyramid. We cutting pictures out of magazines and posting them on to our "new" pyramid. 

A little more of my story...

**I just published this post over at my other blog. I thought it might have some relevance here as well. My apologies of you are seeing this for the second time.**

That whole balance thing is proving to be harder than I first thought. My house is back to being a mess, and I'm starting to get that overwhelming feeling of I can't breath again. I make lists, but a simple "to do" list doesn't cut it for me. Unlike most people, I cannot simply put "clean kitchen" on my list. My list looks more like this:

• Unload dishwasher
• Reload dishwasher
• Hand wash dishes
• Wipe down counters
• Wipe off stove top
• Sweep Floor

~*~

In December 1976 my brother's elementary school hosted a Lunch with Santa. My mother, being a chronic volunteer, had signed up to work it. I was two years old. My brother was just shy of his eighth birthday. My mother dressed us up in our pretty clothes and off we went to whisper all of our special wants into Santa's ear.

Hosting an entire elementary school to share a meal with the jolly old fella can be quite an undertaking. My mom was ever the busy bee and she left my brother to keep an eye on me. I found my way out of the cafeteria and out to the steps at the end of corridor. I had mastered the steps in our home almost a full year prior so as long as my brother was right next to me to steady me if I wobbled, what harm there be, right?

No one would expect me to fit between the rungs on the banister. I mean really, what eight year old would think of that? In all honesty, not many parents would even think of that. That wouldn't even be a flicker on even the most helpicopterish parent's radar. Except that's exactly what happened next.

My brother and I were two and a half flights above the ground floor of the school and before he could even register what happened, my little patent leather Mary Jane was dangling through the gap in the banister and my small body slipped through right behind it.

I was free falling and all my big brother could do was watch me fall. And then he screamed. I hit the banister of the flight beneath us and then I slid through those and kept falling. I landed on the ground floor face down. Blood began to pool around my tiny little body.

Everyone came running out to the stairs and somehow my mother made it down to where I lay, motionless. An ambulance was called and we were on our way to the hospital. I regained consciousness as we pulled up to the ER. I tried to stir and was crying out for my Mommy.

The doctors cleaned me up and everyone was astonished to realize that I didn't have a single cut on my body. I had lots of bruises, however. The blood had come from that small piece of skin that attaches your upper lip to your gums. I had severed it. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief, I was held in the hospital for a few days of observation and then I was sent home with a clean bill of health.

My guradian angel was truly with me that day.

~*~

Not much thought has been given to my accident over the last 30+ years. It comes up occasionally as we're telling family stories, like my brother's state track meet or the fact that my dad had to repack the car five times in order to fit all of my stuff in when I left for college. My accident is just a part of our history.

A few months ago, some research was brought to my attention concerning traumatic brain injury. In reading this, it was like a lightbulb exploded in my head. In 1976 very little was known about the lasting effects of a head injury. I had only lost consciousness for a short while and I wasn't showing any immediate signs of brain damage so it was assumed all was well.

It's since been shown that brain injury survivors often live lives of complete disarray. Inabilitly to organize, attention deficits, short term memory loss, depression, obesity, frequent headaches, mood swings and other cognitive impairments are just a few of the symptoms associated with TBI.

It was if someone had written an entire book on my life. I'm still reeling from all of this information. When I was first confronted with it I spent several days grieving the life that I could have had. My life dream was to be a lawyer but I couldn't stay organized enough to even graduate from college. I'd always pictured myself having five kids but I could barely manage life with just two. I love homeschooling my children but it takes nearly all of the energy and focus that I can muster to simply write out a lesson plan for one week.

My entire life I've been known as the "loud friend." I've always been a littl "kooky" and my brother often introduces me as his "crazy sister" (I'm his only sister). It's always been a part of who I am and I can't help but wonder now, if it's more a part of what happened.

I'll never know these answers for sure, but I'm finding that at least having this knowledge has eased some of the pressure I put on myself. I always berated myself in my head. "Why are you so lazy?" "Just clean the freakin' kitchen already." "Why is life so hard for me?" "Why do all of these things come so naturally to everyone else except me?" "What's wrong with me?"

Has this information made my life any easier? Has it made organization and time management come more naturally to me? Of course not, but it's given me hope that there is, actually, something physicall wrong with me and that given the right tools, it's a disability that I can overcome.

My doctor referred me to a therapist that specializes in TBI survivors. I've had this person's phone number for about two months now have I called her yet? Of course not, because I lost the phone number for about a month, then I hung it on my fridge and vowed to "call her tomorrow" and tomorrow just never comes. Maybe for this type of appointment the patient's number should be given to the doctor instead of the other way around? I wonder how many of us are out there with all of the information we need to get help, but we just never get around to it.

Never get around to it. That seems to be the story of my life. This is where that changes. This is the year that I find balance. I just didn't realize it would be so hard.

Before the Before

**Warning! Picture heavy and long. Sorry, blogging is cheaper than therapy**

In the weightloss blogging world, everyone likes to show their "before" pictures. You know, the ones were we've hit rock bottom. The pictures that made us finally wake up and see how big we've actually let ourselves get. We all have them. We've (mostly) all shown them.

But what about before the before? We weren't all born obese. Sure, some of us have struggled with weight since childhood, but most of us didn't. My husband and I have been going through all of our old childhood pictures recently and scanning them into the computer to have back up copies in the event anything ever happens to them.

Lucky you, I was just browsing through those files tonight. So, let's meet Jessica, before the before:

Ok, this one doesn't really have anything to do with my weight gain, but MERCY what I wouldn't pay to have this hair back! Can I get an AMEN??

Eight Grade Spring Break. This shirt hung on me like a tent. I thought I looked skinnier the larger the clothes were. Oh how I wish I could go back and smack myself....

Myrtle Beach, SC summer before eighth grade year (I think).


Not sure how old. I'm pretty sure it was middle school. I do remember that shirt and wearing it on the beach because I thought I looked like a beached whale. *sigh*

I'm the one in the middle. Flying. I never did have much of a verticle leap. I'd hurt myself if I tried that now.

The very end of my Junior year in highschool. This was the night of my grandparent's 50th wedding anniversary party. I hated that dress. My mom made me wear it.

With my grandmother. Maybe my mom knew what she was talking about with that dress. I'm 5'4" in this picture and I have short legs. This dress makes them look like they go on for miles. I should have taken fashion advice from my mom more often.....

Again with the gorgeous hair. *sigh*

My senior year. Sweetheart's Dance. This picture was taken at my best friend's house before our dates got there. Her brother was good friends with my boyfriend and when I got to her house I was sulking because I thought I looked fat (I should mention that she was a size 0, so everyone was huge next to her). I walked into her brother's room and he was on the phone with my boyfriend. He looked up and said, "Oh shit. Brian, your girlfriend just walked in and she looks, WOW. Hot." I was blown away. Here I was pissy that I was "fat" and I got that compliment from my friend's punk brother, who was like a brother to me. I remember it after all these years. It's funny, the things that stick with you.

This was during my junior year in college. I had quit playing volleyball and moved back home. I was waiting tables and as you could see, the weight had started to creep on.

I was about 22 or 23 here. I had landed my first "real" job and was sitting at a desk all day. I was playing volleyball about once a week, but it wasn't enough. The weight was still inching upwards.

And this was right before I got pregnant with my first son. Well, actually I was already pregnant in this picture. I just didn't know it yet. I was just shy of 200 lbs.

And here I am today. This was taken this past Dec at a Christmas party for my MOMS group. Oh, how the mighty have fallen....

I'm sorry for the super long post, but seeing these pictures is encouraging to me. It makes me realize that overall, I haven't been heavy that long. I was an active kid and a fit teenager. It wasn't until I became an adult that the pounds started piling on. So, I've come to the conclusion that I should simply declare myself a child again. Who's with me?

App Review

I want to be buff. I'm vain like that. Well, it's not so much vanity. I want to be strong and I want to look strong. Even when I was playing collegiate volleyball and my best shape in my life, I never had definition. I was never toned.

I remember sitting on the couch with my highschool boyfriend one evening and watching TV. He was a big time football player and he legs like a tank. I told him I wanted legs like that. He looked at me like I was nuts. I didn't know the words back then. I didn't know that what I really wanted was tone.

Enter strength training. I've discovered that the way to get toned muscles is to actually use them. Who knew, right? Go figure. So, I have tentatively built up the courage to walk into the weight room at the gym. All those big, huge guys in there don't intimidate me anymore (yea they do), I just walk in and start lifting. I pretend like I know what I'm doing. I pretend like I know how much weight to use and how many reps to do. And then I can't walk for three days.

Until I found iPersonalTrainer. I paid $1.99 for this app on my iphone and after entering in all of my information, it made a weights workout for me. It tells me which exercises to do (it even has videos in case I don't know how to do them) and it tells me the weights and the reps. It also tells me how many sets. The only thing it doesn't do is scream in my face to keep going. I just channel my inner Jillian for that.

If one of the exercises is too easy or too hard, there is also an option to edit it so you can change the weights or the reps or even skip the exercise altogether and replace it with a different one in the muscle group.

This app has completely taken the guess work out of the weight room for me and I'm in love. I'd buy this app again and again. In fact, I can't wait until Monday so I get to use it again!

**I bought this app with my own money and iPersonalTrainer has not compensated me for this reveiw. I just wanted to share my new treasure with my friends**

Who Knew?

I figure that with one more class like today's and my abs will look like this. What? Shut up. It's my fantasy and believe me, after today I earned this delusion.

Who knew these innocent looking things could cause such pain? Feel the burn, baby. Feel that burn! And it wasn't just the abs. My legs, my shoulders, my arms, my back.....it hurts. Oh it hurts so good.

I went out and bought myself a stability ball last night. I accidently bought a weighted one. OUCH. It made all of the exercises that much harder. When your brand spankin' new at this type of exercise harder is not your friend. I'll be returning the ball and going with a standard one, thankyouverymuch.

My original training plan had me strength training in addition to the class today. Um, yea. That didn't happen. The class was a lot more intense than I remember and I'm also a little pressed for time today. So, I'll add the strength to tomorrow's workout. Because, you know, I'm nothing if not flexible. Just watch my yoga class, you'll see how flexible I am. HA!

Fitness Exchange?

I'm participating in a Weightloss Exchange over at Kris' blog. It's a lot of fun and I thought "hey, I want to do that, too!"

So, I'm putting feelers out ~ would anyone be interested in participaing in a Fitness Exchange? In a nutshell ~ I'd pair you off. You and your partner would take a few weeks to get to know one another & then you'll send each other a good box with some fun fitness gear in it (in the $20-$25 range).

We'd all come back here and link up so we can go oooh & aahh over each other's goodies. I'd prefer you have a blog to participate ~ so we can all see what ya get and to help your partner get to know you better.

So, what you say? Are you in? I don't need any specific details just yet. For now I'm just looking for interest. Spread the word. Twitter, FB, your blog, whatever....if I can get at least 11 people (in addition to myself) I'll host it.

"lunchables". It's what's for lunch. 

I Fixed It!!

Like for reals! I fixed my computer!!

Yesterday Windows started acting really weird. Everything was timing out and not responding. I had a hard time even restarting my computer. Then ~ NOTHING. I got some strange DOS screen that said I had a Windows Error and I could either Start it in Repair Mode (or something like that) or Start Normally. Neither worked. I kept coming back to that same screen.

A friend of mine's husband does computer repair on the side and I went on a desperate search to find her number (it was stored, of all places, in my computer!!). I finally got ahold of her and talked to her husband. He said he'd be happy to look at it, but it sounded like Windows was corrupted and he'd probably need to reinstall it. Did I still have the discs? Yes I did. I told him I'd call him tomorrow (today)

After talking to another friend last night she said "why don't you google your error message?" Well, Duh. No, no I hadn't. So I did (on my phone) and check that out ~ a step by step list of what I should do.

So, I single handedly reinstalled Windows, then I did a system restore to the last known "safe" date and then I ran a whole system scan while I slept. Then Windows ran an update and when I woke up my computer worked!

I think little trolls may have come in while I slept and fixed it. Anyhoo, I now have a computer and all is right with the world. Now, I just have to figure out when to squeeze in this run. It's only 2 miles and I'm having a heck of a time fitting it in. I'm going to have to rethink Tuesdays as a running day. They are just too full already.....

Finally!! WooHoo!

Today's workout was 15 mins on elliptical, 1 hour of weights & 30 minutes on a stationary bike. Boo-ya!

Now my emails don't seem to be going through to my blog from my phone. I'm trying this text. Technology hates me today.

I sat down to write a fun, witty & totally awe inspiring post, but my computer completely crashed. It's six months old :cry:

Gggrrrr.....

I'm having a helluva time getting YouTube to embed into blogger. Ever since YouTube changed their embedding parameters, it completely messes up blogger.

Tonight, I so wanted to play this video for you. Because training starts tomorrow. It's the "Final Countdown" I'm a dork, I know it and I'm ok with it. This week's training:

• Monday ~ warm up on elliptical, weights, stationary bike
• Tuesday ~ run 2 miles
• Wednesday ~ Going Ballistic Class & weights
• Thursday ~ run 2 miles
• Friday ~ swim
• Saturday ~ run 3 miles
• Sunday ~ rest

Let's do this!

Product Reviews

Deleted Post

My new kicks. I'm not running in them, although DH runs in his. I'll get there....someday.  P.S. Do you know how hard it is to take a decent picture of one's own feet??

And today I went to yoga class. And all was right with the world.

We did a lot of lunges. My foot & ankle held up just fine. Tendonitis? Bruised heel? Who? Not me!!

Training Plan

So, I'm going to be officially staring my half marathon training next week. That gives me 15 weeks to get ready.

Coming off an injury, I have to play this smart. I'll be loosely following the Hal Higdon Novice Half Marathon Training Schedule.

I'm also getting myself ready to train for my first triathlon this year, so while I'm focusing on running right now, I have to keep swimming and biking in the back of my mind.

This is my plan for the next 15 weeks:

Run 3x per week
Strength Train 2x per week
Swim 1x per week
Bike 1x per week
Cross Train 2-3x per week

Cross Training will consist of classes at the gym (stability ball class, spinning, step class, yoga), additional swimming or doing a fitness tape in my living room. I will likely double up my cross train & strength days. I'll also rest at least one day per week.

Here we go. Wish me luck!

I Ran....

Today I ran. And I rocked! To be honest, I wasn't sure if running would be in the cards for me. This injury has had me so messed up in the head and so frustrated. Training for my half marathon starts in two weeks (I've bumped it up to next week) and I was so close to saying f^ck it. I was going to throw in the towel.

I decided to go for a run today and just see how long I could last before I had to stop and walk. I expected maybe three minutes or so. I laced up my Brooks and headed out the door. My neighborhood has a loop that is .8 mi and I thought, I'll go around once and see how many times I have to walk.

I RAN THE WHOLE WAY. Yup, the entire way. In fact, I ran down a side street twice to make it a nice round mile. Did I mention I ran it all? All of it. Oh and I did it in 12:01. I have NEVER run a 12 minute mile. In my life.....Ever.

I was so stoked. I've been on a complete runner's high ALL DAY. My legs feel alive. I can't remember the last time I felt this good.

My foot? Oh yea, didn't even feel it. Nothing. Nada. I stretched well after my run and I'll massage my calf tonight (rolling pin, anyone?) just in case. But it feels fabulous.

Half marathon? It is ON! Bring it, baby! There is no stopping me!

I know this to be true.....

I don't do artificial. I eat very little processed food, I don't do artificial sweeteners & I rarely wear makeup. I'm more of an all natural kind of girl. So, of course I was cranky when I decided to put my SuperFeet back into my shoes. They are an artifical foot, of sorts. Guess what happened after a week of having them in my shoes. I couldn't walk. Yup, you read that right. They made my foot worse. I knew in my heart of hearts that they weren't good for me. I knew that what I really needed to do was start slow and recondition my feet to handle the stresses of running. I tried to take a short cut. I tried to insert something unnatural into my life to do the work for me. It doesn't work.

It's going to require work. And time. Just like weightloss. Just like life. There are no shortcuts.

I checked out of our world....

I seem to have checked out of our world and moved into Panem. I'll be back, though. Soon. I promise.

Today we ride....

I've had more sugar today than any human could possibly need (and sadly probably still way under the national average) and now I have a stomach ache. Green smoothies for dinner!!

I woke up completely & entirely pain free today. My heel is on the mend and there WILL be no stopping me now!! Bring on the half marathon, baby!!

My butt is still asleep, but with a cutie like this to root for it's all worth it. He keeps asking when his first triathlon is.  Not only will I become a triatlete this year, but so will my children. 

Happy Superbowl

I love professional football. I have since I was a child. My blood runs black & orange for the Cincinnati Bengals. They break my heart every year. Every. Single. Year. It is so hard to be a Bengals fan, but those of us that are true come back every year screaming WHO DEY at the top of our lungs.

In being a Bengals fan, it is simply in my blood to HATE THE STEELERS. Despise them. No questions asked, they must be destroyed. Having said that, I'd guess it's no surprise that I'm rooting for the Packers today.

I probably will not be able to watch most of the game, if any at all. Swim meet part deux is today. More bleachers. Joy.

Bleh...

Well, I survived day one of Boy 1's swim meet. I let myself get hungry and then I sort of lost control when we stopped at the golden arches (needed to let Boy 2 get some wiggles out....)

I've fallen off the wagon a bit today, but tomorrow is a new day and new beginning. I have lined up a sitter for Boy 2 so hopefully I'll be able to enjoy the swim meet a little better tomorrow since I won't have a whiny wigglebuns sitting next to me on the bleachers.

Oh the bleachers. This momma has got to get herself one of those bleacher chairs if I'm going to spending this much time at swim meets. My ass keeps falling asleep!

Enjoy your weekend internets! I'm hanging on til Monday. Oh how I long for my crazy normal life!!!

WooHoo!! I figured out how to blog from my phone!! Considering my phone is my lifeline, you will be hearing from me a lot more often!! Sweet!! (please ignore all of those test messages that I posted).

Test post

Test blog post

Is it Monday, yet???

Seriously, I can't wait for Monday. The last two weeks my life has been one big blur ~ and this weekend isn't shaping up to be any different. I never thought I'd be looking forward to a Monday. My life will still be crazy, but at least it will be my normal level of crazy!!

I've been to the gym three times this week and as of yesterday, I'm back to counting calories. Every last one of 'em. I had been putting that off because, well, I just didn't want to deal with the hassle of it. Strangely enough, once I started counting again, it seemed all of the stress connected with my eating went away. I knew I was counting, I knew I was accountable and suddenly the choices just seemed easy. If I wasn't accountable, it was too easy to make the wrong choice and then beat myself up over it later.

I've switched up my work outs a bit. I can't really do classes at the gym any more because of conflicts with the kids' activities. So, I was left to my own devices ~ could be why I put off going to the gym for so long. Hhhmm, I need to start trusting myself more. Wait until you hear about the new workout program I've been doing. I'm sore as shit. I've been walking like an old lady, but it's so freakin' awesome!!!

My foot is finally starting to feel a little bit better. Almost normal. So I ran, for one whole minutes, and guess what. My OTHER foot has started hurting again. I can't. friggin'. win. I give up (not really). I'm so frustrated. But I'm just gonna suck it up. I'm finished sitting around and waiting for my body to feel good.

The fact is, I'm big. I'm heavy. Running while carrying such a heavy load just hurts. So, I'm concentrating on strength training and other forms of cadio to take off some more weight before I dive into running again. But I'm dabbling in it a bit here and there to work my way back up. I'm training for this half marathon (June 5) come hell or high water. If I have to crawl across the finish line, I will. DAMMIT!!

So, I put my Super Feet back into my shoes. I hate them. They suck. They feel so fake and artificial in my shoes, but for now I need that extra arch support until I lose a little more weight and can ease some of the burden off my feet. It pisses me off....but I got myself into this mess. I have to put my big girl panties on and get myself out of it.

Boy 1 has a swim meet tomorrow. An hour and a half from our house. It's a two day meet, so I get to drive us back there on Sunday, too. Husband is out of town....he left tonight. Of course. So, since I have to get up at 5:15 tomorrow morning, I'm heading to bed. Peace out, internets!

Weekly Weigh In

And so it's Monday again. I worked out four times last week (I missed Friday & Saturday). I didn't pay attention to my food at all. I'm easing myself back into my habits. Life's a marathon, not a sprint. I know myself well enough to know that if I try to pile everything back on at once I'll simply give up. Baby steps. Having said all of that, you can imagine my shock when I stepped on the scale this week and actually saw the number go down. I truly wasn't expecting that. At all. Especially after last night's dinner of pizza and brownies. So anyway, today's weigh in results were 216.8. That is a 1.2 lb loss from last week and a total loss of 8.4 lbs. Overall, not a bad week. My foot is quite painful today, I'm not sure why but I'm going to skip any major workout. I may do some strength training at home. I bought some new DVD's over the weekend. Look for reviews on those coming soon!

Mmmm, Soup!!

Soup can be a great part of a healthy lifestyle. However, it doesn't matter how healthy and wholesome the soup is, if you eat 15 bowls of it that's probably not a good thing. Just sayin'

I started out with this recipe from the Trainer Momma. Then I switched things up a bit to make it my own. It is delicious. Fabulous. And utterly addictive..... *sigh*

I used 12 c chicken stock & 4 c water and I added the meat from a rotisserie chicken. Other than that I followed her directions exactly.

It's amazing. Go make it. Now.

Facebook

So, did you notice something new over there ------->

Go ahead, look. Under my profile. Do you see it? It's a facebook box. Yup, I'm on Facebook now. Well, my blog is anyway.

So many times throughout the day I get a random thought or think of a question or a tip that I'd love to share with you guys, but either I don't have time to run and write a blog post or it's not really significant enough to warrant one. This way I can update FB quickly and there it is.

Social media ~ how did we ever survive without it??

You can find the page here.

What's in a name?

O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?
Deny thy father and refuse thy name.
Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,
And I’ll no longer be a Capulet.

'Tis but thy name that is my enemy.
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
What’s Montague? It is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!
What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other word would smell as sweet.
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo called,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,
And for that name, which is no part of thee
Take all myself.

I'm not big on the classics. Oh sure, I read Hamlet and MacBeth, Don Quixote, Dante's Inferno and all the rest of them (or at least the Cliff's Notes!) but I simply wasn't swept away by them like a lot of people can be. But Romeo & Juliet, now that one spoke to me.

I remember having to memorize the above soliloquy in highschool and I still remember most of it to this day. I've always been a sucker for a tortured love story.

Healthy for 100 what's in a name? What does Healthy for 100 mean?

I like the show Jeopardy. I remember watching it with my father in the evenings after dinner before starting on my homework. Everyone in my family tried to figure out the answers. Rarely was there a question that at least one of us didn't know, or have some type of guess. I don't have time to watch TV at that time of night very often, but when I do happen to see it on TV now, I will often sit and watch a few moments.

Last Spring, after watching some Jeopardy one evening, I was cleaning the kitchen and thinking about my many failed attempts at weightloss in the past. I was finally recognizing that weightloss and health don't often go hand in hand. I was frustrated with trying to lose weight but always feeling like crap. I wanted to be healthy. I thought if life is like a game of Jeopardy then I'd take "Healthy for 100, Alex"

And my blog name was born. I loved it because it could mean so many different things. 100 lbs, 100 days, 100 healthy recipes, 100 healthy habits, the list is infinite.

So, am I trying to lose 100 pounds? Sure, I guess. Will I cry if I never see 125 on the scale? No. I'm not sure, exactly, how much I want to lose. My body will know when it is happy. My body will know when it is healthy.

A tough decision

I have to be smart. I keep telling myself that over and over again. Be smart. Dont' push yourself. You have the rest of your life to run races. Don't rush it.

Easier said than done. I'm an instant gratification kind of girl and if I decide I want to run a race, I want to run it tomorrow.

Remember that St. Paddy's Day race I said I was going to race? I even went and got myself a training partner, right?

I'm blowing it off. I start training for my first half marathon on March 1. I do not intend to put foot to pavement before then. I want to be in tip top shape for my training. I will do lots of cardio and strength training until then, but I need to pamper my foot. I need it to heel. So, I'm bowing (gracefully, I hope) out of the 10K on March 12. I'm not ready to be training for anything right now.

I have to take care of myself. I have to look at the big picture and do what's right for the long run. You have no idea how difficult this is for me. Big picture is not my natural first thought....Well, look at that. I'm growin' up!

Accountablity Workout Day Three

When I scheduled my workouts for the week, I wasn't sure what I wanted to do today. A new stability ball class or an old stand by weights class? As of dinner time last night, I still wasn't sure, so I put it up for a vote on twitter (do you follow me? You should, @healthyfor100). I only got two votes; one of each. Of course. So, I asked my husband. He suggested that the stability ball class wouldn't be as weight bearing on my foot. I figured if I didn't get enough of a workout I would increase my time on the elliptical afterwards. HA! Not a tough workout. I should have known. It was an Anne Marie class. Remember Anne Marie? I should have known!

The class was tough, but it was oh so awesome! I really really need to strengthen my core and crunches just don't do it for me. I'm in love. This might be my new favorite class.

So, I did one hour and 15 minutes on the stability ball and then went downstairs and did 30 mintues (=2.8 miles) on the elliptical. Two hours at the gym and not a single twinge of pain in my foot. Heaven!

I've come to a tough decision, I'll explain more later. Right now it's snuggle time with my kiddos.

Workout Schedule ~ Day Two

photo source

I was scheduled to do an aquafit class today, but I'm just not a fan of the instructor on Tuesday mornings.

Last fall and through to the spring (2009-2010) I was nursing an injury and again, could barely walk (other foot, similiar issue). I had started swimming and really really enjoyed it. Once I was recovered from my injury I started running and working out at the gym and swimming sort of became an after thought.

Since I wasn't doing aquafit this morning, I decided to head to the pool to swim some laps. Afterall, that's what nursed me through my last injury, right?

My oldest son is on the swim team. He practices for two hours 2x a week. I lasted 25 minutes in the pool and I thought I was going to die. I forgot how intense swimming can actually be. It's a complete body workout and I would do well to remember that. I believe I will keep it in my regular workout rotation.

So anyway, I'm two for two on my workouts since I've decided to start posting them here on the blog. I have to admit, if I hadn't already posted that I was going to be in the pool today I likely would have blown off the class this morning and just not done anything at all. Accountability is a good thing.

Thanks for being here. Thanks for keeping me honest ;)

Weekly Weigh In

It's weekly weigh in time. You thought I forgot, didn't you? I wanted to. I was tempted to, but I knew deep down that I wasn't foolin' anyone. It was time. I stepped on the scale this morning and closed my eyes. I didn't want to know.

Today we start over. Are you ready? My weight this morning was 218.0 lbs. Bleck. But it is what it is.

The past is the past and I can't change it. I can only go forward. And forward is exactly where I'm headed.

I went to the gym today and did 6 miles on the recumbent bike. I hate that thing, I don't feel like I get a good workout, but it's good for my leg and helps my foot. I have to be smart about this ~ at least that's what I keep telling myself. After the bike I got up and went to the treadmill. What was that about being smart??

So, here we go. Who's with me?

Back in the Saddle

I have decided to not only send my workouts to Karen, but to also list them here. This is what I've come up with for this week. It's ambitious, but I'm so ready to get back to the gym. So, so ready. I do, however, reserve the right to alter this schedule as the week progresses based on my pain level and how my foot is reacting. I want to push myself, but I won't be stupid about it. Life is a marathon, not a 5K and yada yada yada....

• Monday ~ 5 mi on recumbent bike
• Tuesday ~ Aquafit 1 hour class
• Wednesday ~ either a "Going Ballistic" class or an "Ultimate Strength" class + 2 mi on ellliptical
• Thurday ~ 5 mi on recumbent bike
• Friday ~ 2 mi on elliptical
• Saturday ~ Aquafit 1 hour class
• Sunday ~ rest day

It's a lot of gym time, but really not any hard core workouts. I want to ease myself back into it and see how my foot reacts. My tendonitis is essentially gone, but I'm left with a bruised heel. The physical therapist is concerned that it's a deep bruise that may have reached my bone. It hurts, still. But only when I'm not wearing shoes.

So, if you see me walking around barefoot smack me, ok?

Fitness Swap

Kris, over at Eclipsed is hosting a fitness swap. I set it aside to think about it and I nearl forgot about it

Sign up deadline is Monday ~ so hurry over there! NOW!! Go. Do it.

Accountability

I have a running partner. Well, not really. I have a training partner. A virtual one.

A few years ago I made a friend. We each had two boys approximately the same ages and we both loved to sew and quilt. She also is a triathlete and a runner. It didn't take long for her to get me addicted and just as soon as she did she MOVED. The nerve, right????

I KNOW! So, we've both been nursing injuries off and on for the last several months, but now we're both ready to get back at it. The only problem is that she lives in Pittsburgh now. Bleh.

Anyway, we both have our sights set on races on March 12. Her's is a 5 mile and mine is either a 5K or a 10K. So we're going to be virtual training partners.

We both have hectic lives and the word "routine" hasn't made it into either of our vocabularies. Our training schedules will differ from week to week so each week we plan to email one another our schedule and hold each other accountable.

Oh yea, she has a blog but hasn't updated it in over a year. I'm trying to convince her to get it going again....help me out, will ya?

Karen, meet the internets. Internets, meet Karen :)

It has to stop

I'm in a downward spiral and it. has. to. stop. I'm tired and cranky and lethargic and I feel like shit. All the time. I was awake for two hours last night because my stomach was so sour and nauseous that it woke me up. It. woke. me. up.

How nasty and gross is that? I'm nibbling all day, I'm eating junk and I'm not working out. Does this sound like a person who is planning on completing her first half marathon and her first triathlon this year? No, it doesn't.

I have got to get myself back under control. I'm sick and tired and feeling sick and tired. I will be at the gym tomorrow. I will be at the gym on Saturday. I have no other choice. I've experienced that runner's high. I rode those post exercise endorphins all of the through the day. I've seen the energy I have when I eat right and work out. Maybe if I hadn't already started, I wouldn't feel like such crap now. You can't miss what you don't know is there, right?

I know what I'm missing and I'm tired of it.

I have no idea what I weigh. I'm all over the map. I'm going to weigh myself on Monday and go from there. Wish me luck.

Milestones

There are particular milestones that everyone celebrates ~ losing 10 lbs. Getting under 300, getting under 200, etc..., being able to shop in the regular stores as opposed to the Plus sized stores, buying bras at Victoria Secret, and so on and so on.

While I think those are fabulous goals to look forward to, I also have a list of my own milestones that I'm looking forward to crossing off:

• 227 lbs ~ the higest weight I ever saw stare at me from the scale.
• 225 lbs ~ what I weighed when I gave birth (both times)
• 196 lbs ~ what I weighed when I met my husband
• 190 lbs ~ what I weighed after giving birth (both times)
• 175 lbs ~ the smallest weight my husband has ever seen me
• 145 lbs ~ what I weighed when I graduated highschool

What are you personal milestones?

FREEDOM!!!!

I showed up to my physical therapy appt today and told them that I needed to wrap this shindig up. Our insurance coverage changed as of Jan 1 and it suddenly got a hell of a lot more expensive for me to hang out with them. They're nice guys and all, but I'd rather save that money for race fees, ya know?

I told them that my family wasn't going to miss any meals and I didn't want to bail out on them prematurely but that I truly felt that I could do all of my therapy either at home or the gym and that I was getting antsy to simply get on with my life.

I expected them to suggest we pare down to one visit a week and see how I feel. They simply told me, I was right and that I could go home and just let them know in a few weeks how I was feeling. What? Really? Sa-wheet!

So, I suddenly had a child free afternoon and no plans. What would you do? I went to the local running store, of course. I've mentioned before about shoes, and how I wanted a pair of Vibrams, but I'm still in a fair amount of pain on the bottom of my heel. There's a decent chance that I've got a nice hefty bruise deep in my heel pads and possibly into my bone. I need some cushioning under there until that heals, but I'm still skeptical of those ultra fancy shoes that do everything for you but clip your toenails.

Enter these:

The Brooks Green Silence. It's their version of a minimalist shoe. Similar to the Nike Frees. I didn't care for the Nikes, but these felt amazing when I tried them on. I didn't buy them, but I'm thinking I should have. I won't be running right away anyhow, but when I do I'm pretty sure I'll be sportin' these bad boys. I just wish they weren't so damn ugly!

Help Me Come Up with a Name....

Oh yea, Santa brought me one of these bad boys for Christmas. I can not wait to use it! But ~ it needs a name. Help me name it! Leave your suggestions in the comments and if I find one that I love and use I'll probably send you something. As soon as I figure out what that something is...

Trudging along....

Gosh, the holidays are over but my life just won't seem to slow down. Who pushed the fast forward button? Can you please UNpush it? Thankyouverymuch!!

I'm hosting a friend's 40th birthday celebration tomorrow and then, THEN, hopefully things will settle down. I'm not sure they'll SLOW down, but at least it will be my normal life stuff. Nothing extra. Oh wait, hubby's birthday is next week. Ok, maybe THEN....*sigh*

The candy is gone, the cheesecake has been pitched, the pies were given away and the only sugar really left in the house was a little bit of ice cream. I took care of that last night while watching the Biggest Loser. As much as the (staged) drama of that show kills me, it really does seem to light a fire under my ass.

I was completely unprepared for how much this stupid injury would derail me. I thought I was good. I thought I had things under control. I thought I knew what I was doing. I thought WRONG. It's humbling to be sidelined and forced to take a look within and see what's really going on. I feel like shit. Both physically and mentally. I'm beaten and broken. But I'm clawing my way back....I am.

For one, our insurance coverage changed on Jan 1 and my physical therapy just got a whole lot more expensive. I have no choice but to get better ~ NOW. My foot has actually been feeling a lot better and working out is helping now rather than hurting. So I know I'm close.

I already have to readjust my race goals for this year. You know that totally pisses me off, right? I'm giving up on January. The absolute earliest I'd be comfortable running a 5K would be the last weekend of the month ~ and that's pushing it. I can't get injured again. Boy 1 has a swim meet that weekend and I can't seem to find a local 5K anyway. So, maybe I'll do two in Feb. We'll see.

I am firming up plans for a 10K in March, though. Kristen D are you reading this???? It's in the Tri Cities! Jason's already talked to the inlaws and they are all prepared to have us as overnight guests that weekend. It's a St. Patty's Day run. I just can't remember the exact date.....are you up for it Kristen??? Let me know.

It's time to get over myself. It's time to get serious again.

Operation Detox....

Well, my operation detox started off ok today ~ but then I let myself get too hungry before lunch and it was all downhill. I immediately went for the candy bowl and my hand has been in there ever since.

My weight is all over the place. Yesterday it was 214ish and today it was up to 218ish. NO, I do not believe I gained 4lbs of fat in 24 hours. It's inflammation.

It's true that I've been extremely busy these last few weeks, but I've also let my eating get out of control. I kept telling myself it wasn't that bad, but I knew better. It's the main reason I've been so quiet around here.

I thought if I just ignored it and didn't admit to it here then it wouldn't be true. How very mature of me, no?

Anyway, those days are over. Complete transparency. It starts NOW.

Having said that ~ I have no idea what's for dinner tonight. The cupboards are pretty bare.... Hhhmm..... time to get creative!