Standing at the grocery store looking at the bottled fat free dressings. So far I've picked up four different varieties - all four of them have High Fructose Corn Syrup listed as the number two ingredient. Thus is why I don't eat *any* bottles dressings, but especially the fat free kinds. 

I'm a hot mess....

On Tuesday I went to attempted step class. It didn't go as planned. I'm not particularly a fan of step class. With the foot problems I've had, I just find it a little too hard on the footsies. But, I got greedy. I like burning calories. What can I say, I just feel more badass better after an hour and half at the gym with over 1,000 calories under my belt than I do after say, 20 minutes, and a measly 230 calories.

I'm not typically available to go to the gym on Tuesday mornings, but this week my schedule changed a bit and suddenly morning was the only time on Tuesday that I could squeeze in a workout. I checked the class schedule and the only thing offered was step class. My foot has been feeling great, so I decided I'd rather do step than suffer through half an hour on the elliptical.

Fifteen minutes into class I felt a *POP* in the arch of my foot and suddenly I couldn't walk. FUUUUUCCCkkkk (sorry, but I was pissed). I hobbled out of class, went downstairs to the recumbent bike and finished up a somewhat respectible workout. I stopped by my PT's office on the way home and he said either I damaged my plantar fascial tendon (bad, really really bad) or I maybe broke through some scar tissue that had formed on it from my last injury (still bad, but not nearly as much). He told me to ice it and stay off of it for a few days and see how it felt.

I iced and medicated all day just like a good girl. After swim practice, the boys and I stopped by our local market and I picked up a salad for dinner ~ knowing that I wouldn't be burning *any* calories the next day I figured a light dinner would be best.......

Little did I know that some of these guys were hiding out in my lettuce. I ate about 2/3 of the salad while the kids and I watched The Biggest Loser. I tucked the boys in and started feeling really bloated and just overall sort of icky. I popped some digestive enzymes and drank some water. Didn't help. I popped some TUMS and went to bed. I tossed and turned all night with a horrible, icky nauseous feeling.

I woke up Wed morning and was sick as a dog. I'll spare you the details, but let's suffice it to say that I spent 95% of the day either in bed or sitting on the toilet. The other 5% was spent crawling into the kitchen to dig crackers and cheese slices out of the pantry/fridge for my kids to eat.

But at least I stayed off my foot, right? I woke up this morning with my tummy feeling fine but I had one hell of a headache. I've spent the day sipping on Gatorade and coffee. I wasn't sure if the headache was from dehydration or caffeine withdrawl. I decided to conquer both.

I feel ok now and have even considered going to the gym for Zumba, but I think I'll play it safe (both with my stomach and with my foot) and stay home tonight. Afterall, I think I ate less than 200 calories all day yesterday and today combined so far! LOL!

On a positive note, I lost 4 lbs in 24 hours. I don't recommend it, though.

This is NOT step class. I'm pissed. More later....

This is how I found Boy 1 when I went into his room to wake him up this morning. Mummy??
I'm heading to step class this morning to see what my foot thinks of that. If all goes well, I may try running one whole mile on Thursday. A whole mile - woohoo!
And I think my scale is f@^*ing with my head. This morning it was back down to exactly 217.6 *sigh*

Weekly Weigh In

It's Monday again. How did you do last week? I completely worked my ass off at the gym M-F. I burned a total of 3,774 workout calories, but I ate a lot. I recognize that it's normal to be overly hungry for a bit when you first start a new exercise routine and I was careful to eat nutritious, whole foods (until the Easter candy made it into the house!). I only went over my calories last week on one day and it was only by a smidge. Overall, I'm very pleased with how this past week went ~ until the weekend. Ugh. I didn't go the gym at all on Saturday. Hubs has been working a heavy schedule this month and his only day home all week, for the entire month, is Saturdays. I didn't want to miss any time with him. I didn't count a single calorie on Saturday either. Or Sunday.
We hunted eggs at a friend's house ~ it's out yearly tradition (Hi Nom!!) ~ and for the first time I didn't have to go out with the boys and trek through the woods with them. I was able to sit and socialize the entire day (read: sit and eat). I felt like a giant fuzzy dog terd when I got home yesterday. I took a nap and set out the leftover fruit tray for dinner and told everyone "we're eating fruit for dinner to try to detox some of the crap we ate today."

So, as you can imagine, I was hesitant to step on the scale this morning! I had been weighing myself every morning and my numbers had been holding steady all week and all I could do at this point was hope that my workouts were enough to counter balance any damage I had done over the weekend.

And they were....last week I had a big drop and I know that was mostly water weight as it was my first week back at the gym in quite some time. As of Wed morning, I'd put a few ounces back on and they stayed all week. And they were still there this morning. I'm a little bummed, but I know it's just my body evening out after getting used to working out again. I'm still going in the right direction, so I can't be upset about that!

This week's weight is 218.2 for a slight gain of .6 lbs over last week, and a total loss of 6.8 lbs since the beginning of this blog. I feel like I'm starting all over again. That injury really derailed me for a while, and it didn't help that it happened right over the holidays. But, I'm back and I can't dwell on past mistakes, right?

Happy Easter!

I am not a religious person. I do not read the Bible as an historical document, but rather a source of inspiration. A collection of lessons to be learned about living the best life that you can live.
To me, Easter is not about a dead man rising from the dead, but about celebrating a renewed spirit for life. It's about reflection. It's about acknowleging your mistakes and the mistakes of others. It's about moving past them. Forgive yourself and forgive others. Move past the trangressions that are holding you back. Walk away with your head held high, and do not dwell on the negativity of those around you.
It is no coincidence that Easter falls each year in the beginning of Spring. Both symbolize a rebirth. A reawakening. What will you do this year to cleanse your spirit and move forward?

Do you Zumba?

Since Monday, I have burned 3,774 calories at the gym. I. am. spent. Actually, now that I look at it, it doesn't look like a lot. But I haven't been regularly going to the gym for quite some time and I jumped back in with both feet.

Since I'm not running right now, I was concerned that I wasn't getting enough cardio. I've been loving getting back into strength training and I can feel my legs getting stronger, but I needed to get my heart pumping again.

I went to spin class last week and loved it so much I went back again today. That got my heart going, but I still felt like I wanted something more. My Thursday evenings opened up unexpectedly and wouldn't you know it, my gym offers Zumba on Thursdays. Perfect.

I'd never been to a Zumba class in my life. I hadn't actually been dancing since I was a sexy hot 20something (and there was usually lots of alcohol involved and so I didn't care if I looked good doing it or not).

I was so self conscience, but I'm not really one to care what others' think so I figured what the hell. I tried to talk some friends into going with me, but everyone was busy. I showed up and just danced. And danced. And danced. And then we danced some more. I had SO. MUCH. FUN.

I'm now a Zumba convert. Every Thurs evening, come hell or high water, I'll be there. Sadly, my gym only offers the class twice a week ~ Thurs morning and Thurs evening. My kids have classes on Thursday mornings so that class is out for me.

I'd do Zumba every day if I could! It was that much fun! Do you Zumba?

CORRECTION - I went into Livestrong to update my numbers and I evidently weighed 221 on Wed. My weight can fluctuate by a few pounds everyday, but still that's actually a loss if 3.4 lbs since WED. Whoot!!

Weekly Weigh In

I'm bringing back the Weekly Weigh In. I mentioned yesterday that I started counting calories and going back to the gym. I started that on Wed, so today's weigh in is not the result of a full week, but I like having my weigh in day on Mondays. Sundays are 95% of the time a rest day and my weight is always lower following a rest day. Monday works. So, today's weigh in is not the result of a full week of counting calories and working out, but still it was a success! On Wed, I weighed 220.0 lbs. This morning I weigh 217.6. That's a loss of 2.4 lbs in just over half a week. WooHoo! Go me! I'm back! I'm so very back! Heading off to the gym, now. Whoot!

Ok. So blogger isn't recognizing paragraph breaks tonight. I really did have that post divided into paragraphs. Not all jumbled together like it posted. I swear. Pinkie promise.

Starting Over

I went to the gym on Wed and again on Fri. Weights and Spin class. They kicked my ass, but it was awesome. I can't wait to go back again this week! After we returned from our trip, my weight was bouncing around all over the place, but it finally settled out at about 220. That is wholly unacceptable to me, so I dusted off my Livestrong account and punched in my numbers and have begun tracking calories again. Weekly weigh ins will return tomorrow! Stay tuned! I weigh just about the same as I did when I started this journey ~ so I had a hard time figuring out why this time I have almost 1000 fewer calories everyday. I started playing around with my account and somehow, some way, I must have accidently set my goals to "maintain" the last time I was counting. It makes sense. I didn't lose very consistenly or very quickly. I was never hungry and very very rarely did I go over my calories. Huh....well. I've had to make some changes this time. On the days that I don't work out, it's really hard to come in under my calories. I'm only letting myself have one cup of coffee on the days I don't work out and I make sure to get my green smoothies in. Then, I go from there. In injury news ~ my foot feels tremendously better. Before I was dealing with plantar faciitis pain, achillies pain & heel pain. Almost all of the time and it was excruitating after I was sitting for a while and had to get back up. I've back to the gym for half a week and my foot pain is almost entirely gone. My achillies feels great. I'm stretching my calf all day long and keeping it loose. My heel pain has completely disappeared. GONE. Evaporated. Nada. And my PF pain is still there, but it's very localized and when I walk barefoot is just feels like I'm walking on a marble. I know from experience that a little bit of ice and some massage can fix that right up. I haven't run in quite some time. I'm going to give myself another week in the gym with cross training and no running, then I plan to start slow and ease some running back into my weeks. I'm pretty sure the half marathon isn't going to happen. But there are lots of them all year long in these parts. I'll find one. I'll do one. I'll finish one. A few people have asked me why I'm so hell bent on getting back to running. They've asked why can't I just get my exercise from the gym since I seem to like the classes so much? Well, these people that ask me such things aren't runners. It's not about the exercise. It's not about getting a cardio workout. Running, for me, is about freedom. Serenity. Peace. It's about that high that I get after a great run. I've never gotten that high from the gym. Not once. I miss that feeling. I crave it. And I can't wait to feel it again!

I'm back and it feels........good?

*source*

I went back to the gym yesterday and headed to the weights class (Ultimate Strength). I got there a few minutes late and all of the 5 lb plates were taken to put on my bar. I typically use 10 lb plates for my legs and back and 5 lb plates for my arms & shoulders.

Considering I hadn't been to this class since Dec, I was planning on using 5 lb plates for the whole class. No go. Today, I'm walking like that poor woman above. But it's a good thing. It reminds me that I have a lot of work ahead of me, but that's good. I'm looking forward to it.

On another note, my foot feels fantastic today. I'm not limping at all ~ but I am hobbling because my legs are jello!! I'm going to hold off on running for at least a few more days, but I did buy some running books today at Barnes & Noble. Stay tuned for some reviews on those.

I've been cranky and emotional all day. I'm stress eating and I feel crummy for it. To top off this fabulous day my Internet is down. Boo.

Coffee

Gosh, I can tell it's been a while since I've posted. I sat down to write a simple post on coffee and I ended up writing a book! LOL!! I deleted it all because I realized you probably don't care about all of the sordid details of my on again, off again love affair with coffee! It boils down to this: I've always wanted to be a coffee drinker, but I could never stand the taste. Then I had this:

Children changed my life. Suddenly I needed help! I could hardly make it through the day chasing these two crazy boys around! But I still didnt' like the taste of coffee. Then I found this:

Aaahhhhh. Coffee made things all better. Then I began paying attention to what I was putting in my body and I started reading labels. I cringed when I read the back of my beloved creamer and I could no longer drink my morning joe without literally gagging at what was in that little blue bottle. *snif snif* Then a few months ago I discovered this:

Oh Happy Happy Joy Joy!! My love affair continues. I can have my morning coffee and I can flavor it with something that I feel good about. It's a good thing. It makes me happy!

Pressing the Reset Button

When a weightloss blogger suddenly disappears you can pretty much bet the farm that she's not out partying it up about all of her successes. We bloggers, we're a pretty talkative bunch. We don't usually fall off the Earth unless there are things we simply don't want to share. My life got super crazy for about 3 1/2 weeks. Was it so crazy that I couldn't sit down for a few mintues and write out some quick updates? No. Was it so crazy that I couldn't make up some salads to have in the fridge to keep eating healthfully? No. Did I do either of these things? No. In the last month:

• We've gone out of town


• We planned an 8 year old's birthday party


• We rushed said 8 year old to the ER after he nearly cut his thumb off. (11 stitches is a lot in a little thumb!)


• We cancelled said birthday party because it's hard to go rock climbing with 11 stitches in your thumb.


• We rushed a dog to the vet after getting nipped by another dog at the kennel and developing an infection on his head


• I've had my husband home for 25 days (in a row). Fabulous ~ but it really wrecks my routines


• I ran a four mile run pain free


• I went to a support group for TBI survivors and have begun the horrible task of trying to get a referral to a specialist


• I've begun walking with a noticable limp and haven't been pain free in at least two weeks

And 5000 other things that I'm sure I'm forgetting......

I've used every one of those things to avoid exercising and eating properly. I feel like shit and I'm quite certain I look like shit. I'm frustrated because I can't run right now. My half marathon is 8 weeks away and the furthest I've run is 4 miles and I can't even run 2 miles without cringing right now.

I used that to completely throw in the towel for exercise. I know my foot feels better when I do non weight bearing exercise. I can ride the bike, I can swim, I can even do the elliptical, I can lift weights. All of those make me feel better and help my foot heal, but I drowned myself in pity and said fuck it all.

No more. It ends now. I'm pressing the reset button. I'm putting the half marathon out of my head for now. I will go to the gym and do what worked for me the last time. I'll take the strength class, I'll ride the bike, I'll take the ball class, I'll do spin, I'll swim. Anything but run. And when my foot feels better I'll run a mile. And when that doesn't hurt, I'll run two. And if by some miracle of God I can get my mileage up to 1o miles in the next 8 weeks I'll run that half marathon. Otherwise, I'll keep doing what doesn't hurt and eventually I'll get there. I live in Seattle for crap's sake ~ there are half marathons all year long around here. I'll find one and I'll do it.

The sun is shining today, it's a beautiful day and I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself. I'm back, peeps. I'm so very very back!

Someone mentioned to me the other day that they were disappointed to discover that the half and half they'd been using in their coffee had corn syrup. They were trying to eat more "clean" and wanted to find an alternative for her coffee. I suggested she look for an organic brand as that should be a healthier option. She replied that was a great idea and she'd be sure to look for organic "fat free" half and half.
I didn't have the heart to tell her that, by definition, half and half is half milk and half cream. There is no such thing as real (aka "clean") fat free half and half.
I am always astounded by the number of people that believe fat free or sugar free or gluten free or *insert* free is automatically the healthiest option.
Often times when one offending compnent is removed a chemical, synthetic version is used instead. I recognize that sugar is not a healthy ingredient. However, give me evaporated cane crystals over Splenda (or sacchrine or aspartame) any day of the week.
Calorie free or fat free is not synonomous with healthy. I have found that the chemical synthetics actually can leach the nutrients from my body leaving me feeling sluggish and ill. Nutrient rich whole foods from the earth are the best way I've found to nourish my body and stay healthy.