I'm MAD

*source*

I'm mad and I'm tired. Tired of setting goals and not reaching them. Tired of just giving lip service to this journey I'm supposedly on. I'm tired of dreaming about being a healthy weight, about being skinny, about being a hottie.

I set some goals a few weeks ago: Two pounds by my birthday. Two fucking pounds. I was working out, but I wasn't pushing myself. I finally got pissed off enough at the thought of another goal just passing me by, so about four days before my birthday I decided to get serious. I was sweating bullets at the gym, burning almost 1000 workout calories a day, counting my calories, watching what I was eating. I was on fire. My weight was up each day, but it always is when I'm working hard. I knew after a rest day it would level out and go down.

Except it didn't. Saturday was a rest day, so I officially weighed myself on Sunday. It was 223.8 WTF?! It went UP? UP? So I spent yesterday feeling sorry for myself. I found myself with my hand in the Halloween candy more than once. I skipped my workout and I felt the self pity taking over.

But I woke up this morning with a new attitude. No more missed goals because I didn't work for them. If I miss a goal it'll be because I've done absolutely everything in my power to get to it and it just wasn't meant to be. I was in the gym today, back at a yoga class. I'd forgotten how much I enjoy yoga. It felt great and according to Livestrong, it burned about 230 calories. Afterwards, I hit the elliptical with my ipad. I watched an episode of Pan Am while sweating through an interval workout. According to Livestrong, that burned over 800 calories.

I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing. I have every intention of meeting the rest of the goals I set ~ 215 by our anniversary and 210 by Christmas. My lowest weight since starting this blog was 212 and that was just over a year ago (Dec). I do not intend to start 2012 heavier than I started 2011, thankyouverymuch!

So, here's to pushing myself through the holidays. Won't you join me?