Oh......Holy......Hell!

In a word, my impression of CrossFit is "It RAWKS!" (ok, that's two words. Whatev.). In another word: "It SUCKS!" (two words again....yes, ladies and gentlemen, I DO homeschool my children, why do you ask?)

Let me back up a bit and I'll walk you through my entire, though quite limited, CrossFit experience. We started here, on Tuesday, with me having some anxiety over leaving the security of a traditional gym, getting over it and feeling good about it, only to come home and find my husband basically in the fetal position and trying to hold down his protein shake.

Lovely.

Ultimately, though he did decide that CrossFit was the way to go for him and as we talked about it throughout the evening, I was getting more and more excited for my Intro the next day. I was careful with my diet that evening, we went to bed early, I visualized myself rocking out the workout.....I did everything right. Apparently Boy 2 didn't get the memo. He was awake from 3:15 until 4:40. Our alarm was set for 6am. At about 5am, hubby and I made the decision to turn off the alarm and let the whole family get the sleep it needed ~ homeschool schedule be damned! Then Boy 2 wandered into our room around 6:30 and said "can I get up, now?" Fuuuuddggggeeee!!!

I let my husband sleep in, after all he was the one that had already DONE the workout ~ oh and he was leaving for a trip that night and probably wouldn't get to sleep in a bed for about 36 hours or so. I'm generous like that.

So, I got up and drank some coffee and decided on a breakfast burrito with pastured eggs, some refried beans, avocado, cheese, salsa & greek yogurt on a fresh made tortilla ~ except I wasn't hungry. The nervous tummy was already settling in. Ok, so it's only 6:45 ~ I don't need to eat yet. I have plenty of time. I had a green smoothie instead.

The hubs finally woke up, we got started on our lessons and I still wasn't hungry. Finally, I decided I *needed* to eat, so I made the burrito. Oh SHIT!!! I'd lost track of time and I had to leave in an HOUR!!! And I have this burrito sitting in my tummy. *FAIL* :/

It sat there like a leaden rock. I could feel it getting heavier and heavier. I should note, too, that when I'm nervous it wrecks havoc on my digestive system. I started to psych myself out. Playing mind games with myself. How am I going to get through this f*cking workout??? How am I going to make my body row 500m, do 40 BW squats, 30 sit ups, 20 push ups & 10 pull ups? What. The. Fuck have I gotten myself into????

So, the next hour was spent pacing around the house, willing my brain to just shut the hell up, curled in a ball crying (yes, I cried BEFORE the workout), and freaking my kids out.

It was fun.

Finally, Jason (the hubs) looked at me and said "Do you think maybe it has to do with the fact that you are just being pushed outside your comfort zone?" WTH?!? Of course that's the issue!! "Have you stopped to think that your comfort zone hasn't done anything for you in the last 37 years of your life?" Eff You. (No, I didn't say that to my husband ~ he was, after all, being the only voice of reason at the time).

I finally managed to stand up straight enough to wiggle myself into my workout clothes and I headed out the door. I got a strange sense of calm, I cranked the radio (apparently no one got the memo as there was nothing but commercials for my entire 7 minute drive to the "box" ~ assholes).

I sat in my van, took a couple of deep breaths and walked through the door. Immediately all of my anxiety was gone. Poof! It just disappeared. The owner and I talked for about 45 minutes. We discussed any previous injuries I've had, we discussed my fitness history, my expectations, my goals (do a push up on my toes & do a pull up. I really don't ask for much...). He set my mind at ease. It's his job, but I was so completely grateful at the time. I wanted to hug him and cry and pretend I was at my therapist's office, but I held it together.

Then he said it was time to get started on the "Baseline" workout. And then I wanted to puke. I told him that I can't do a push up and I can't do a pull up. He said "We'll get you squared away. I don't care if you cry, I don't care if you puke, I just ask that you don't stop." Oh great....see, the way I'd managed to talk myself into going out the door was telling myself "There is no rule that says I *have* to finish. If I want I can just say 'I'm done'" and NOW he's throwing this "just don't stop" crap in my face?!?!

He threw some bands over the bar ~ I've never worked with these bands before, they're a trip, you basically have your body in this huge rubber band and helps lift you up for your pull ups ~ and had me practice some pull ups. Ok, we got the right bands. They're still challenging, but I can do them. Phew.....bullet #1 dodged. I asked if I got to do push ups on a box (or the wall). He said, "Let's see what you can do first." He asked me to show him one on my knees first. So I did one, then two. Then three. He said "Oh, those are fine. You don't need a box." Oh hell, why did I show him that I really can do those?!?!

Okey, dokey, time to start!!!! Turned up the volume on the music and READY, SET, GOOOO!!!! And she's off: the row machine as fine, the body squats were good. I only had to take one or two small breaks to catch my breath. A few seconds each, max. Sit ups ~ these weren't crunches ~ these were feet together, in butterfly position, lay all of the way back and sit all of the way up. I struggled through the second half, but I got them done.

Time for push ups ~ oh hell. We'll just say, got through them. I did a few at a time and took a break. I cried. I said FUCK (a lot), I fell on my face (twice) and I got stuck and had to roll over and get back in position. But I did them. All 20 of them. They weren't pretty, but they were done.

I climbed up on that box and stuck my foot in the rubber band and it went BOING!!! I didn't have the leg strength to push the damn thing down!! Ok, let's try again, this time the band grabbed my leg and flung my whole body out to the side. I was getting pissed. At myself, at the band, at everyone who had ever told me I couldn't do it. I stepped in that band and put my entire body weight into it and it went down! Where it was supposed to!! The guy said "Do a few and take a break if you need to." Eff that! I pounded all 10 of them, boom, boom, boom.......I even surprised myself. I'm pretty sure he's going to take one of my bands away since they were that easy for me at the end of the workout :(

And then......it was over. Nine minutes and 52 seconds of hell. Done. I did it. I DID IT!!! I FINISHED!!! And it didn't take me all day!! I was only about 3o seconds behind my husband. Unlike Jason, I knew immediately that this was the gym for me! I can't wait to go back. I was scared, I was freaked out and I thought I wanted to die, but I pushed through. I channeled those emotions and I *used* them to help me. I didn't let them control me.

I understand that by CrossFit standards, that workout was NOTHING, but I can't wait to go back! Bring. It. On.