Saturday, July 31, 2010
Friday, July 30, 2010
Instead I wanted to share something that made me smile. After my workout was over, I gathered the kids from the childcare room and loaded everyone into the van. I called my husband (who, btw, is also my very best friend). He asked how my workout went and I told him, "I did about 15 easy minutes on the bike, then lifted weights for about half and hour and then a hard 30 minutes on the bike."
You know how when you are talking to someone on the phone, you can just hear the smile in their voice? DH said "Holy shit, you're going to be able to kick my ass pretty soon!"
I could tell he was grinning from ear to ear and PRIDE was oozing from him. He was, of course, being silly ~ we don't actually beat each other up ~ but the grin and the pride I heard from him just sent me over the moon.
I'll tell you more of my husband's story later, but just knowing that he's in my corner and that he is so very proud of me and recognizes how hard I'm working makes this whole thing even sweeter.
I love him and I know he loves me and it's little moments like this that I cherish. Ok ~ back to regularly scheduled blogging.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
I intellectually know all of these things, but it doesn't make it easier to deal with. I've been watching Jillian Michael's new show and these people are losing like 5+ lbs per week. I like instant gratification. Patience is not exactly my 'thing'. Gggrrr.....
Next week that scale WILL GO in the right direction. Mark my words.
Monday, July 19, 2010
I do believe he makes some good points about excersise. Yes, I go to the gym nearly everyday. Its a new habit and one that I'm not convinced is a bad one. I will say, however, that I only work out at full exertion once or twice a week. The rest of the time is moderate activity. So, this does go along a little bit with what this video talks about.
I haven't gone over my calories all week and I feel very good about that. I've eaten wholesome, real foods ~ nothing out of a box or can or bag. I've been taking pictures of my food and will post some recipes soon.
My blogging time will be hit or miss over the next week. You see, I not only woke up one morning and weighed 225 lbs, but I also woke up and realized that I'd not only been hanging onto the clutter on my body, but I had clutter in my mind, in my house, in my life. I'm purging not just excess weight, but this week I'm purging excess stuff. That's right. It's Spring Cleaning time at my house. Watch out kids!! LOL!
Anyway, on to my weigh in this moring. Today's weight: 222.2. Down 1.2 lbs from last week and down a total of 3 lbs. I'll take it. I'm hoping that now that my body has had some time to get used to the new workout routing I'll start seeing more consistent losses. Cheers!
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
"Losing It With Jillian" on Hulu. I've cried on every. single. episode. Every one. What can I say? I'm a sap. But it's made me realize something. I've been craving inspiration. I'm working out and changing my life because I know it's what I need to do. It's what I want to do. But I'm not inspired. Or at least I wasn't. I've been looking for inspiration outside of me. I thought I needed something tangible. After watching Jillian get in the face of some many families, I realized that inspiration comes from within. You just sometimes need a psycho crazy trainer to help you find it. I'm not ready to invite Jillian to the gym with me, but I have been thinking about the show while I've been working out this week. I've stepped up my workouts a bit. Each time I feel like quitting, or each time I feel like turning the treadmill down a notch, I channel my inner Jillian. I'm a little nicer, but my message is still the same "you cannot quit."
So, I've channeled Jillian and what's been happening? I'm. putting. on. weight. What. The. F*uck? I know, I know....I'm doing a lot of strenght training. I'm making muscle. I really am. For the first time in my entire life I can feel my ab muscles. I didn't even know I had ab muscles. I'm not posting my measurments again until the first of the month, but I measured tonight out of curiosity and I'm losing inches. I'm just not losing on the scale. I'm frustrated, but I'm not discouraged. I have a plan. I'm going to up my water intake. By the gallon(s). I mean, my water bottle will not leave my side. It will be my new best friend. And I'm going to up the cardio. Strength training is awesome and it will ultimately benefit my metabolism, but for now I need a little boost in that area.
I'm gonna make Jillian proud!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Usually before my workouts I have one of my homemade, whole foods protein shake (more on this later). They fill me up, they don't just sit in my stomach leaving me feeling nauseous during a workout and they typically sustain me through even the most gruelling workout. I usually have a banana in the van on the way home with either another protein shake or a green smoothie.
Today I was out of bananas. And being out of bananas, I couldn't make a smoothie. I drank my protein shake and headed to the gym.
I did a step class today (with a 20 minute warm up on the bike). According to Livestrong, I burned 1432 calories while at the gym today. One protein shake was not enough!
Oh, but wait. I usually have a banana and smoothie in the van, right? Not today. I was out of bananas (and therefore couldn't make a smoothie, either!) Aaaahhhh!!
But it's ok because I went straight home. I drank a bucket load of water and hopped in the shower. I made myself an egg sandwich with eggs from pastured chickens, using ghee as my oil & pastured butter on my bread.
I grabbed my sandwich and the boys and I headed out the door. I knew with the additional fat and protein that I'd be fine until we got home. I was wrong! Evidently when you burn nearly 1500 calories before noon your body begins to think it needs to eat to make up for those calories. Duh, right? We showed up at the park to meet our friends and by the mercy of God, one of my friends had brought lunch to share. Can I tell you how much willpower it took for me to not bulldoze all of my friends and claim that entire pizza all to myself? But it was pizza. Doughy, greezy pizza. Not my first choice but I was desperate. I had half a slice and thought "with enough water that should last me through our errands and until we get home." Phew. I had a plan. I took a swig of water as we were getting into the van and ....... nothing. Wha?! Where did my water go? From the back seat I hear "Oh, Mom, I finished your water because I was so thirsty from playing on the beach."
I get the kids buckled in, I throw them each a granola bar and we head out of the parking lot. I. forgot. to. grab. a. snack. WTF is wrong with me?!? By this point I rationalize that I'm more thirsty than hungry so its ok. If only I had some water.
We get to the milk store and I start to feel a pounding headache come one. By this point I just want to get home. So we grab some milk and head home. That's I lost control. I've been home for an hour and a half and I've already eaten FOUR COUNTRY POTATO ROLLS dipped in ranch dressing.
I'm not worried about going over my calories. Good grief, I'd have to eat straight through until I went to bed to do that. But I am bothered that I let myself get so hungry that all logic went out the window. I was no longer as concerned with nourishing my body as I was with simply filling my stomach.
I now know that if I'm going in for a death march workout, I need to plan my food ahead a little more carefully.
It's all just part of my story. Have a good one, folks!
Monday, July 12, 2010
And the results are: 223.4. That leaves me with a total loss of 1.8lbs Not exactly what I had planned to see today, but I was prepared for it. I'm finishing up yesterday's green smoothie and then I'm heading out to the gym. So glad I got that straightened out! LOL.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
I get this mind set that since I haven't been working out ~ and I know that I'm going to work out tomorrow ~ that I "may as well have xxxx" tonight. It's not like I've done anything this week to work it off. I get so angry at myself when I let life get so hectic that I can't properly take care of myself and nourish my body. Seriously? It would have taken me all of 15 minutes to clean up the kitchen. I let myself get too hungry and by that time I just had to grab something. Lesson learned.
I really really really don't want to step on that scale tomorrow......
If that were the only issues this week, I wouldn't be so sure that tomorrow could get ugly. I haven't been to the gym once. Why?
I'll be at the gym first thing in the morning, but it'll be after I weigh myself. It's the ups and downs that make this journey exciting and I will not be defeated by life's cirucumstances.
Another argument against counting calories (which Elizabeth notes in the comments) is that when counting calories, peole have a tendancy to gravitate towards lower calorie foods ~ regardless of the nutrients in that food (if any). In the past when I've been on diets I've always gone for the skim milk, low fat cheese, baked potato chips, 100 calorie packs, low fat, "light" yogurt, etc, etc, etc... I was always hungry. It's no wonder. It wasn't that I wasn't eating enough calories, I wasn't getting enough nutrients. When our bodies lack certain nutrients that they need to function properly we interpret that as hunger or insatiable cravings.
Whole (raw) milk has more calories than Skim Milk, Quality artisan cheese has more calories than Low Fat (funky, fake) cheese "product", real yogurt made from quality whole raw milk has a lot more calories (and a lot less chemicals) than the sugar free, lowfat flavored yogurt ~ but you know what? I eat the more calorie dense foods and I feel good. I'm not hungry. I'm satisfied with less.
I'm not dieting. I'm redefining my relationship with food. I'm changing my habits. I'm creating a new life.
So why do I count calories? Because even though I'm committed to eating whole foods I still don't always know when to stop. Once my brain and my body can trust each other again I'll stop counting calories. When I eat soley for nourishment and I break the cycle of emotional eating, I'll stop.
For now, counting calories keeps me accountable.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
I am challenging myself to lose 36 lbs by my 36th birthday, November 5. I'm backing this challenge up to June 28. That's a total of 19 weeks which equals about 1.9 lbs per week. I have 17 weeks left until my birthday. I know I can do this.
Anyone care to join me?
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Raw milk isn't always easy to come by. I'm fortunate to live in a state where the retail sale of raw milk is legal. That doesn't mean its easy to find, though. There is a health food store about 25 minutes from my house that carries it. Phew! I make the trek once a week and stock up. It's not cheap, but it's a priority for my family and me. I drove out on Friday to pick up some more milk and they were out. *GASP*!! So, I haven't had fresh, raw milk since Thursday and can I just tell you about the mood swings, the out of control emotions and the unsatiable cravings?! Oh. My. Gawd. And no, I'm not PMS'ing. This is worse. The store takes delivery on Tuesday afternoons. Guess who will be waiting on the doorstep of that store this afternoon?
Monday, July 5, 2010
I didn't start tracking my calories until half way through this week, but I'll list all of my workouts and calorie burns anyway:
- 6/28 ~ Ultimate Strengh Class at the gym. A one hour free weights class. Its AWESOME! (not tracked)
- 6/29 ~ Aquafit Class at the gym. One hour of cardio & strength in the pool. (not tracked)
- 6/30 ~ rest day (not tracked)
- 7/1 ~ Spring Conditioning Class at the gym. This one kicked my ass!!! Plus 15 minutes on stationary bike and 30 mins of vigorous housecleaning (total calorie burn: 957)
- 7/2 ~ 10 minute leisurely walk with children (total calorie burn: 43)
- 7/3 ~ 45 minute leisurely walk with children (total calorie burn: 255)
- 7/4 ~ 5 minute leisurely walk with children & casual pick up volleyball game 1 1/2 hours (total calorie burn: 487)
I am proud to report that since I've started tracking my workouts and calories, I have not gone over my allotted calories even once. I celebrate even the smallest successes! LOL
Ok, so my weigh in results, right? Enough already!! This week I am down 2.2 lbs. WooHoo! I have to keep reminding myself that this will be slow going. I'm an instant gratification type of person and patience isn't my strong suit. But I'll get there. One pound at a time!
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Friday, July 2, 2010
I've always seen myself as fat. My entire life. I went on my first diet when I was 14 and my mom sent me to Weight Watchers because I'd put on a few pounds while lifting weights with the volleyball team. I was 5' 3", post puberty, and gained 10 pounds of pure muscle. I went from 115 lbs to 125 lbs. I'm certain she never would have done this if she'd known about the downward spiral into which I was about to fall.
Shortly after that first Weight Watchers meeting I began hiding the food I ate. I would sneak spoonfuls of peanut butter after I thought my parents were asleep. I'd eat ice cream straight from the tub because if I didn't put it into a bowl, the calories didn't count, right? This was the first time in my life that I'd ever labeled food as "good" or "bad". It was the first time I'd ever felt ashamed of what I was eating. It was the first time I felt judged.
That round with Weight Watchers didn't last very long, but the message was ingrained in my head. You need to be skinny to be worth something. You need to be skinny to be successful. I need to stop here and say: My mom did everything she's ever done for me out of love. She did not judge me. She did not tell me I was worthless. These were the lessons I took away from these experiences.
I tried various other diets with little to no success over the next few years. I took diet pills in highschool trying to lose weight for Spring Break. I lived off of Slim Fast and pizza thinking I was being "healthy". I became the master of crash diets. They'd always be followed by a binge and then I'd start all over.
As an adult I've tried Weight Watchers again (several times), Atkins, Protein Power, Cabbage Soup, Grapefruit Juice, etc, etc, etc. All the while adding more and more pounds to my body with every binge.
About two years ago someone suggested a book called Intuitive Eating. I checked it out of the library and then purchased my own copy. To this date I've only read the first few chapters, but it was enough to change my life. It's completely changed the way I look at food and has given me the permission to eat what I want without fear of being judged. It's allowed me to give up the "good" & "bad" labels that I'd assigned to food and I was finally able to free myself from the hell of yo yo dieting. The book told me to eat what I want and how much I wanted and as often as I wanted. It gave me permission to have the mother of all binges.
I gained 25 lbs.
I gained 25 lbs and I gained a whole truckload of insight into my relationship with food. I learned that I've felt like shit for most of my life. Once I gave myself permission to eat absolutely anything I wanted at any time, I started craving real foods. I wanted to eat to feel good. I wanted to eat to nourish my body. For quite some time eating lost a lot of its appeal to me. I used to eat ice cream and cookies, and chips and pizza and, and, and to feed the rebellious side of me. Against whom was I rebelling? The system. The nutrition experts. Society. Everyone, everyone, labels these foods as bad. Everyone knows we aren't supposed to have them. As humans we all want what we aren't supposed to have. We desire what we are told is forbidden.
Once I was through rebelling, once I told myself I could have all of that if I wanted it, I didn't want it anymore. That stuff made me feel like crap and I didn't want to feel that way. I wanted to listen to my body and nourish it properly. I wanted to feel good.
After these revelations, I decided to try losing weight one more time, but this time listening to what my body wanted. I ate what I wanted, but I always went for the low fat, sugar free, low carb, low this, low that versions. And I still felt like shit. I was so confused. I was listening in tune with my body and I knew my body didn't like and didn't want what I was eating. But the "experts" couldn't be wrong, could they? Could they? I'd followed their advice for years and I woke up one morning and weighed 225 lbs. I started to wonder...
I did some research and through the suggestion of a friend I looked into green smoothies. OH WOW! What started out as a fun way to get some extra fruit and vegetables into my family has led me down a path of discovering an entire new world of whole foods nutrition. I had no idea. I've never felt better.
I know drink whole milk. I eat real eggs. I eat beef. I use oils in my cooking. And I've never felt better. The milk is raw, the eggs are local from pastured chickens, the beef is grass fed and the oils are tropical. My research led me to this book. Ironically, that book was sitting on my shelf; a gift from my husband's aunt and uncle several Christmases ago. I got it down, dusted it off and I haven't looked back.
I know, deep in my soul, into the core of my being that my body craves whole foods. My body needs whole foods.
I'm not dieting. I'm changing my life. This is where my story changes.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
- Starting Weight: 225.2
- Height: 5'5"
- Starting BMI: 37.5 (Obese)
- Bust measurement: 48'
- Waist measurement: 48"
- Hips measurement: 51.5"
- Biceps measurement: 12.5"
- Thighs measurement: 23.5"
- Body Fat Percentage: 53%
My entire life I've equated skinny with healthy. I didn't realize they were two totally different things. I'm on a quest to be both. I've let my weight get out of control and I'm not sure any more if I've ever had optimal health to begin with.
All during this class I kept thinking to myself that I was in over my head. I'd bitten off more than I could chew. I found the irony that those words did not apply only to this particular workout, but to my entire health situation. I'm not discouraged. In fact I'm energized. I've never been one to walk away from a challenge. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. How will I lose 100 lbs? One ounce at a time.
This blog will be the diary of my journey. Let's do this.